The end of something is the beginning of something else

*Clears throat* I have a confession to make.

I am no longer a SAHM. On Tuesday I begin my first job in 6 years, my first job in Iowa, my first job since getting married, my first job since having my babies. This is huge to me. This is the end of my SAHM life and the beginning of my working mom life.

I am worried about my babies going to day care. I am worried Paityn will feel like I abandoned her since she has never really been without me. I am worried I'll screw something up horribly. I'm worried my babies will look back at this time and only remember a mom who worked. I am worried that I have forgotten how to interact with adults outside of family. I am worried I won't be good enough at my job or at home or anywhere because all I've known in the last 6 years is being home, taking care of my babies & my puppies, tending to all things home & garden related. I'm worried about a million on one things because I am a mom.

I need for my babies to be ok & for my babies to be ok. I need my decisions to be the right ones. Which means I need for my decision to go back to work to be the right one not just for me, but for them. I need the decision to put the girls in daycare to be the right one. I need the day care I picked to be the right one. I need me to be able to work and still be worth something when I get home. I need this job to be the right job so I don't end up miserable or over tired or over worked so I don't see my family or am no good to them when I do get to be with them.

I have to take a giant leap of faith that I have made the right decisions not just for me, but for them (my girls, my husband & yes even my puppies) So what I ask you to please, please send your good thoughts to us, pray that the decisions I have made really are good for my family.

With all that said I am excited. I am excited that Madison will be going to preschool. Their daycare has a preschool curriculum where she will learn numbers, letters, and so much more. She wants to go to school so she finally gets what she wants. I am excited that I get to get out and have adult interactions. I am excited to contribute to the household. I am excited to see how Paityn will grow in a day care and interact with the other kids (all girls by the way).

A Journey in Life

February 21, 2003, I started my journey in life. It was as if things were starting to fall into place. You may be asking why I decided this date was the start of my journey. Well, its because its the date that my husband & I started dating. Its really what began this wonderful life we live. If I hadn't started dating him, I wouldn't be where I am because I wouldn't have married him or had Madison or Paityn. I probably wouldn't have moved out of my parents when I did without him. I wouldn't have gotten my dogs either.  You get the point.

It was with him that this journey began. It took a long time for us to get here, but the truth is, is that I enjoyed the almost 5 years of dating before he proposed. I loved the little over a year it took for us to plan a wedding. I loved & enjoyed our wedding! We had fun. We lived together for a while. We lived a part a lot (he traveled for work from the day we started dating until 2 1/2 years after we got married). The time apart sucked, but didn't suck at the same time. I could travel with him & I did after I lost my job & moved to Iowa. I traveled back to IL when he went at least once a month (we even took the dogs). We benefited by using his frequent flier miles for flying to Daytona for the 500. Once we had Madison though, things changed. It was harder to travel with him, but we did it. It was harder when he was gone & then it was harder when he was home. Madison & I had a routine & him being home kinda screwed it up so it was hard, but we worked with it. When she was 15 months he got a job that kept him home every night! He was missing so much of her growing up. That was quite the adjustment to have him home all the time. Once we got adjusted, we put the house up for sale & started building the new house. Talk about being in flux. Then just as we got a buyer for our townhouse we found out we were going to be blessed with another. We moved into the new house & it was chaos until we got unpacked & settled though some days I still feel like we aren't fully settled. Paityn made us adjust our life again once she got here. I still feel like I struggle with finding time for both girls & then time for myself.

Now I am trying to figure out what's next. We are done with babies (something my heart still hasn't fully cooped with). We are on to the phase where we just help our children grow & learn & be awesome individuals instead of growing our family. Though I guess I could grow it with another dog, but Dan won't let me & honestly, we are pretty busy with the 2 dogs & 2 kids & the house & yard to add another dog anyway.

These past 11 years have been quite the journey. The most wonderful one that I could have asked for because I have had a great partner to share it with. I know I waited to find the right guy & took my time with him to make sure. Now we are moving to our next phase in life & I look forward to it & every other phase as long as I have him by my side.

9 months!

Yes its a few days late, but my baby is 9 months old! She is a happy healthy 9 month old tiny baby!

At her 9 month check up she came in at 15 1/2 lbs (5%) & 27 1/2 inches (50%). They are happy with her growth as she is still following her growth curve.

She is so happy

She loves to eat! Some of her favorites are raspberries, meatloaf, sausage, eggs & cheese.

She was not a fan of the snow

She likes her jumper

loves her car

Loves to rock on her Giraffe

Some of her tricks are as follows:

Clapping
sitting up
belly crawling (almost crawling on all 4s)
Trying to pull herself up to a stand

She says mama & dada & does lots of mimicking
She tries to do the things her sister does
When you say Oh No She puts both her hands on her forehead

All in all these last 9 months have been incredible watching her grow up, but the best part is watching her bond with her sister grow & seeing what an amazing big sister Madison can be too. I love them both with everything in me. Look at their faces though! Who wouldn't love them!

Putting it out there- I have PPD

Well, one of my biggest fears when I was pregnant was that I would end up with postpartum depression (PPD).

I did great after Madison was born. Didn't get PPD. It was a huge relief. I figured I was safe & wouldn't get it after having any other babies.

I got pregnant with Paityn . The fear of PPD creeped in, but I kept it at bay by reminding myself that I didn't get it with Madison so I was in the clear. After having Paityn relief washed over me because I was happy. The happiest I have ever been. I had 2 healthy happy girls. Then at the end of September it was like someone flipped a switch. I had no warning. It hit me. I was not myself. I started yelling a lot. My poor baby, Madison took the brunt of it mostly because of her 3 yr old antics & not behaving. I feel so awful for how much I yelled at her. I thought it was not enough sleep or just the behavior was wearing my patience so thin, but then this weekend she cried because she thought I was going to be mad at her because her daddy wasn't hungry for lunch. That's what did it. I knew when Dan told me that, there had to be something else at work. So I vowed to talk to my Doctor about it.

Today was my appointment. I dreaded this day because she could tell me there was nothing wrong with me which would mean I was just plain old mean to my baby for no reason at all or she would tell me I had PPD (not an excuse for being mean to my baby & trust me I am having a hard time forgiving myself for all the yelling & how much it hurt her).

Well, PPD was my answer. Its mild, but still being put on antidepressants. Not what I wanted by any means, but its treatable. It can be overcome. I am still trying to wrap my head around it, but I will get there.

In the meantime I have a few questions for the Dr about the meds before I start them. I am also going to make it all up to Madison. I don't care how many movies & TV shows or crafts or whatever she wants to do, I have to do to make her at least forget the mean mommy who yells. For the first time in a long time she snuggled up with me & told me I was the best. 

2014 Resolutions

2014 Resolutions or Maybe I should call them TO DO List instead. I read somewhere that it takes 21 days to make something a habit. So if I can get through 21 days it will be a habit instead of a resolution, right?

What started this, this late into 2014? Well, my 3 yr old telling me she was fat, that's what did it! So here we go.

2014 TO DO LIST
1. Stop calling myself fat & start thinking of myself in better terms like healthy!
2. BE HEALTHY!

• Eat Right
• MOVE, MOVE, MOVE
• Lose some weight

3. Show my girls that anything can be done when you put your mind to it!
4. Work on my relationship with my husband by doing more together (it seems like we aren't connecting on a daily basis because of busy schedules)
5. Find the patience that I once had for my 3 yr old & use it more often!
6. Stop yelling!
7. Get our Electrician back here to finish the electrical work in the basement!
8. Find a way to keep Bailey from running away.
9. Menu plan & shop accordingly
10. Save, save, save!
11. Sell the baby stuff! We aren't having anymore so its time to start getting rid of it & make more room in the house.
12. Make Paityn & Madison's blankets that I have been wanting to do.
13. Spend lots of time outside this Spring/Summer/Fall with the girls (since Paityn will be older & hopefully toddling around by then)
14 Spend more time playing play doh & painting & all the messy things I have been avoiding because I don't want to clean it up.
15. Involve Madison more in chores & making dinner.


I can do this! I can do this! 21 days to make some good habits!

Rocking my baby

I sit here at 11 pm with your little body nestled into mine, Paityn. Sucking your thumb & starting to fall asleep. I know I should put you in your crib at this point but I can't bring myself to do it. It won't be long before these moments midnight snuggles fade away & you become a sassy 3 yr old like your sister.

I wish time could stand still for a while. You girls are growing so fast & I don't have a rewind button on your babyhood or your sister's either. I am trying to store as many memories as possible for you both, but its hard & I just want to enjoy you two.

Oh Paityn & Madison! You girls have my heart in your little hands. My heart is overwhelmed with love for you that I have a hard to not bursting into tears all the time. Tears of joy, joy you both have brought me & tears of hurt & pain because I feel every owie you get in my heart. Why you ask? Because each of you is a part of my heart. Some day when you are Mommies, you will understand.

Just do me a favor & don't grow so fast.

Happy 1/2 Birthday, Paityn!

Oh Paityn, where has the last 6 months gone? Last thing I knew you were itty bitty & then I blinked & you are this 6 month old little girl.

You love to eat solid food. Anytime I put you in your high chair you scream your head off until I feed you. You squeal & laugh when ever I bounce you on the couch cushion or the bed. You smile at your daddy every time he comes into the room. You have learned to shake your head no. You sit up pretty good, but are still trying to figure out how to get moving. I know for a fact that the minute you figure out this crawling thing you are going to really become a handful. You love bath time especially when you get to splash around in the tubby with your big sister. You watch Madison like a hawk. You are starting to babble up a storm, which means I will have 2 girls who don't stop talking! One of your favorite things to do now a days is to make your excersaucer rock.

Oh, these last 6 months have been awesome because I got to watch you grow. I can't wait for the next 6 months to see what they bring as well as to see you grow your whole life.

Blink & time goes by

How is that over a year has gone by since we moved into this house? I'm having a hard time with that because it seems like we just moved in yesterday. I know its not the case because I was pregnant when we moved in & now I have a beautiful almost 5 month old sitting here in her excersaucer playing.

Time just seems to go by quicker the older I get or is that just because I have kids?  Its hard to believe that 2 kids can grow so fast, but they do. Take a baby for example. As a newborn as in hours old, what do they do? Eat, sleep, pee & poop, right? By 5 months old they can smile, laugh, follow movement, turn their heads to noises they hear or to look for mommy or daddy & start mimicking sounds. Some can even sit up at this point & others may already be on their way to crawling, Hell, I've seen video of one that can pull themselves up to a stand & even take a few steps holding on to a piece of furniture (crazy earlier & thankful its not my kid!) They learn & grow so fast that at times like with Madison I don't remember her ever not talking. I have to ask her every now & then where she learned things because truth be told I don't remember teaching her or anyone else teaching her certain things. She is 3 & knows her abc's the song (we are still working on letter & number recognition). That seemed to happen over night! She puts herself to bed 1/2 the time!

I find myself sitting there at night after both girls are off to sleep in their beds what they will wake up tomorrow & know with no one teaching them. Both of them are little sponges. I wonder when I'm going to walk into Paityn's room in the morning & find her standing there waiting for me instead of laying there happily playing. When is it that Madison will be getting up to potty all by herself in the middle of the night without any help?

Madison is already starting to need me less or at least in a different way. I don't have to get her dressed, but I do have to pick out her clothes so she matches & doesn't look like a clown when we need to go places. She'll get to pick out her shirt or pants & will just get her the other that matches it. Like today she picked out her Roll Tide Jersey, so i grabbed her a pair of black yoga pants to wear. Though she did pick out her pink Minnie Mouse socks to wear with it, but its her feet who is going to really see that!

My kids make the days go slower especially when they are cranky! They also make the years go fast! It's like I blinked & a year went by.  My mom sure wasn't kidding when she told me to not blink because once I do the next thing I'll know is Madison will be 16 & off to prom, then with another blink she will be getting married & having babies of her own. There is something to my mom's words. There always has been, too bad I never listened until I had my own babies.

What do you do to tighten your belts?

I've been the one paying our bills for years now. Since I was the one always home, but since we moved into the new house, it stresses me out! Since we moved its like the house is eating our savings up! Yes, its all stuff we needed like blinds for the windows, a snowblower, a lawnmower, weed wacker, edger & all that good stuff. We needed to build a bedroom in the basement too, so that ate up a good amount.  Then there are those things that you need to pay for like insurance. Its higher because we are in our own home instead of in the townhouse. Taxes are going up soon too & that stresses me. We also spent a good amount on canning stuff since this was the first year (jars, processing pot & all the accessories needed), but that will save us $$ in the long run this year because I won't have to buy pickles, salsa, diced tomatoes, stewed tomatoes & so on.

I have recently gone through what we have been spending the most on & it comes down to groceries & "household" things. So I have told my husband we need to stop eating out (his lunches mostly) & we need to cut way back on our munchy foods like chips, pretzels, nuts & what not. Even the beer needs to be cut back (way back).

Besides these items I've been thinking about what else I could cut out. We don't have balances on credit cards. I've already tried to refi my truck unsuccessfully to get a lower rate. I already got us on a lower cell phone plan. I think we can ditch our home phone because we never use it & it costs us $20-30 a month. I'm tied into my cable due to a contract, so I can't do much there though I will look to see if we can get a cheaper plan.

I stay home with my girls 9/10 times. I usually only leave the house to go places when we need groceries or for Dr's/Chiropractor appointments. So I don't get tempted to buy things we don't need or need gas as often since I have a gas guzzler (Trailblazer). Though I do make my trips back to IL to visit family every so often, but thinking this is going to slow down now.

On the plus side, I don't have to worry about our utilities bills being too high. It costs us the same amount here in this house as it did in the townhouse (the house is at least 2x the size 3x if you include our basement as the townhouse) because we got put in geothermal instead of your standard heating & air conditioning. I also have no gas run to the house. Everything is electric! Its great except when the power goes out, but we haven't had to really deal with that at all. We flicker during bad storms & have lost power 1 time for an hour due to a scheduled outage (they were fixing something up the road).


So what do you do to save money?

Shattered

Feeling like my world has just been shattered again. I just put the pieces back together from my grandpa's death & now I have learned that my grandma has cancer. It was found in the roof of her mouth. They did a biopsy & from reading the report it didn't seem like anything serious. Then she had surgery to have it removed. They got most of it & the surgeon commented that it looked benign, so we were all so hopeful about what it would mean for her.

She has an aggressive cancer. One that if it goes into remission has a good chance of coming back & spreading. She has to go for radiation for 6 weeks 5 days a week. They are giving her a few weeks to heal from her surgery before she begins. So during this time I'm heading back for a visit with the girls. I'm not sure if she will be able to hold the girls while she is going through radiation so I need to make sure she gets them in her arms before, otherwise that could be a long 6 weeks for her.

Its been over a week now since I was told. I've come to terms with what it means right now, what it could mean in the future & now hope fills me again. I know my grandma. She is a feisty, strong 78 yr old woman who engages in water fights with the great-grand-babies & grand-kids & anyone else who gets in the line of fire. I know she will fight hard especially with her having another great-grand-baby on the way (no its not me). 

If you read this, could you take the time to send out a prayer or good thought for her? That would mean more than anything else.

Adventures in Potty Training

I have tried everything to get Madison to potty train. We have bribed her with everything known to man.

• Candy
• Money
• Toys
• Stickers
• Party hats & horns
• Movies
• Shows
• Chocolate Milk
• Treats
• Going to the Park
• Going to lunch
• Going to the mall
• Getting to go to pre-school (more kids her age!)

Nothing worked for more than a day. I took to a potty chart & nothing. I tried a Responsibility chart. It peeked her interest & she'd sit on the potty when she got up from bed & before taking a tubby, but that was the extent. I couldn't believe this 3 year old kid would rather sit in pee & poop in a diaper than to have a clean butt!

Then it happened. She pooped her diaper & sat in for I'm not sure how long. It was long enough to make her poor bottom red & hurt. That's when she spoke up. I literally had to wrestle a bare-assed 3 year old to the floor & hold her down to clean her butt because it hurt her so bad. That was it. Something had to give & I'd be damned if I allowed my child another day of diapers. I hadn't wanted to force her for fear she would think it was a bad thing & retaliate with peeing & pooping on my floors, but this was the last straw.

I called my mom after putting Madison to bed & discussed a strategy. My mom couldn't believe that this girl would be so ok with sitting in poop. She said she had never heard of a girl being ok with this. Goes to show how strong willed & pig headed my daughter is. I wonder where she gets that from (looks around). 

Tuesday, we got up & got ready for our day. She got put in a pull up & we went to Walmart. At Walmart we picked up a couple of packs of big girl panties. We had 3 pairs at home, I figured 2 accidents & we'd be screwed so we needed more before we started this adventure. As soon as we got home the new rule went into effect. If we are home & awake no diapers! So she sat on the potty & we put on big girl undies. She did good. We only went to diapers at nap time & bed time. Unfortunately she held out until that diaper at nap time before peeing. She some how stayed dry all afternoon & into the evening. Then right before bed time it happened, she had her first accident. She started in my bedroom & had a trail all the way to the bathroom. Hey, at least she tried to get there!

Wednesday. We got 1 pee in the potty & then an accident after dinner while outside playing with the puppies with daddy. No biggie! Though she does scream bloody murder when she has an accident.

Thursday We got 1 pee in the potty & no accidents. Then we got in the tubby for bath time & the worst happened. She pooped in the tub. All hell broke loose for that!

Friday. We got 2 pees in the potty & a poop in our pull up at nap time. 1 accident on my kitchen floor shortly after sitting on the potty. We woke up from nap with a dry pull up.

Saturday. We got a few pees in the potty. No accidents & a dry pull up after nap.

Today. She finally figured it out! She woke up dry at 6:30 yelling she had to go potty! She did it. Through out the day she'd just go sit on the potty & pee & then tell us she did it. Then the big deal! She pooped on the potty. I was feeding Paityn & then all of a sudden she yells "I'm pooping!" I asked if she was on the potty & she says "YES" She did it! She pooped on the potty! Her words after pooping on the potty were "It doesn't hurt my butt!" We had no accidents. Now, what really solidified it was she just woke up & yelled "I have to go pee!" So I raced up the stairs got her out of bed & we ran to the potty. Took off her diaper & sat her down. Within seconds she peed! She is now back asleep.

Its been a rough week! I can tell you the first 3 days of potty training made me want to drink! I am so proud of my baby girl! She is turning into such a big girl! If I had known that taking her diapers away would have made her finally start going on the potty I would have done it months ago.

Hardest week, yet with a toddler, but so worth it!

Struggles

When I had Madison over 3 years ago, I struggled. It was a struggle to get things done like making dinner or cleaning the house. I was lucky to get a shower or get myself dressed by noon. It was tough being a first time mom. I'll never forget it. I struggled with breastfeeding on top of it all. I honestly don't know how I managed to make it through because we also had 2 dogs & 1 of them was a puppy.

This time around I not only have a baby, but I have a 3 year old, 2 dogs (thankfully no puppy this time) & to top it all off we have a house (not a townhouse where all the yard work is taken care off) that is double the size & a decent size yard with a huge garden. This time I'm not struggling with breastfeeding. I'm not struggling to make dinner or clean the house. I am getting dressed by 9 am. The showering usually has to wait until the hubby is home or until right before bed (when the girls are both asleep). The only thing I seem to be struggling with is being able to do the things I love to do like read a good book or watch a movie.

I am also struggling with letting Paityn have a bottle. I'm afraid by doing so it will begin the demise of our breastfeeding journey. Yet, I want to have a drink & be able to leave her for a few hours to run errands or get my hair done or just go out to dinner with my husband sans kids. I'm struggling with turning Madison's car seat around. I know its time, but I just can't bring myself to do it just yet.

What's a mom to do? If its not one thing its another you struggle with. Isn't it funny how different things are when you have that second child???!

Content with life

Last night while I was laying in my bed with my husband & a baby sleeping in a bassinet next to me & a toddler down the hall asleep in her room, I realized that I am content & very happy with my life. Oh, sure I have the everyday things to complain about like the garbage needs taken out or the toddler is screaming bloody murder for no reason or even the fact that I can't just jump in the shower at any given moment, but my life is beautiful.

I have everything I ever wanted & no I'm not talking about the materialistic things, though I'm not hurting there either.

I have a loving husband who I know adores me & even at my heaviest weight & on my worst day still finds me attractive. He would give me anything I wanted and truthfully he already has. He gave me the best gifts in the world. He gave me our daughters.  I watch him with the 2 of them & I fall in love with him all over. The way he shows Madison how to do things, like fish or hit a ball with a bat & when he walks around talking to Paityn & bouncing her to keep her calm, just it makes my heart melt.

I have my little Madison, who at the tender age of 3 can break my heart in seconds & then build it right back up with 4 little words "I love you, Mommy!" She is my funny, witty, smart & beautiful girl. Some days I wonder how I got so lucky to have this little girl for my daughter. She cares about the small things like when I leave to go some where & she stays with Daddy. I give her hugs & kisses & then she will remind me that Daddy needs them too! A little picnic on the living room floor during a rainy day makes her happy.

Then there is my little Paityn. Almost 10 weeks old, but brightens my days with her sweet smile & infectious laugh whenever she sees me even if it was only seconds ago.

Last but definitely not least my 2 crazy dogs. They make life a little hectic at times, but are too lovable & cute to forget.

Its a wonderful beautiful life! I can't believe its mine. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up & it will all be gone, but I get up every morning & thank God that I get another day of it.

I hope anyone reading this experiences this feeling of udder happiness & contentedness!

My biggest baby is 3!

Madison is 3 years old today! When did this happen? How did this happen? It couldn't have been 3 years since I gave birth to her!

Madison is a happy, bright 3 year old! She has an exceptional memory. She knows her colors, can count to 14. She knows her name & address. She talks a mile a minute.  She is getting braver at the playground & even with jumping off the front steps. She is a great big sister & is so gentle & loving with Paityn that its hard to believe she is so little. She has grown leaps & bounds in the last year. Just look at these pictures!

1st day of being 2

Last day of being 2

1st day of being 3

Madison,

You have grown so much. Sometimes I feel as though if I blink you will be 16 or 18 & leaving home, so I try my hardest not to. Please slow down a little in growing our time with you this little is going way too fast already. 

My Imperfect Looking Perfect House

If you come over to my house, you know what you will see?? A mess! You will see toys strewn across the living room, dust on a lot of surfaces, baby blankets, burp clothes & other baby needs laying about. You may even see a pile of dishes in my sink. Baby clothes that have been washed maybe laying on the guest bed. The bag I used to pack to go to my parents still laying on the floor in my room with a few items in it. I may have dirty floors or counters that need to be wiped. Hell, my bathrooms may even need a good scrubbing.

So I ask you if you come over to look closer. Look at what I am creating, not at the mess. I'm creating memories with my girls. From reading books & doing puzzles with Madison to snuggling on the couch with Paityn trying to get her to smile or coo at me. My house is full of toddler talk, screams & laughter, along with baby coos, cries & smiles.  These are the things that matter to me. I get to watch them grow & learn 24/7 now and that is what I want to focus on. I want my girls to remember what we did together & the time we spent together, not "wow, Mom had a really clean house while we were growing up!"

Yes, you would think that being a stay at home mom would give me lots of time to get things cleaned & picked up, but children don't wait to grow up. Therefore, something has to wait & that ends up being the dust on my furniture, the dirt on my floors, the dishes in my sink or those pesky bathrooms, but I in no way have a filthy house either. That in part is thanks to a husband who steps up & cleans or takes over on the memory making for me to get things done.

You see as my house my not look perfect because of the mess, it is perfect because of the memories I made & am making with my girls. Its their laughter & smiles & yes even their cries that make it so perfect. These times are too precious, plus when they go off to school I'll have a lot of time to clean while I miss them.

4 weeks

My dear Paityn will be 4 weeks tomorrow. We get to spend lots of bonding time together this week as Madison is visiting family in Alabama with my wonderful parents.

I have noticed that Paityn is a very chill baby. She loves to chill out laying on her blanket on the floor or swinging in her swing or sitting her carseat. She falls asleep within seconds of being put in the Ergo Carrier & will sleep until she is taken out of it. She also falls alseep in her car seat within minutes especially if in motion. She becomes crabby around 7/8 pm & just wants to be held.

Paityn has been the best sleeper too. Since about 5 days old she has been sleeping at least 1 5-6 hour stretch at night with some nights being longer. Her longest has been 8 hours.

She has become a smiley little happy baby. She will lay on the sofa & talk to the back of it. She is constantly smiling & staring at her big sister's pictures too. She has finally started liking her baths too.

I know Madison has been in love with her baby sister. She even told me that she misses Paityn while she has been gone.

We are still working things out as far as how to get cleaning, cooking & yard work done while I have Paityn. Its more difficult with 2 kids, but its all worth it to watch the 2 of them grow.

12 Beautiful, Wonderful Days

12 Days. 12 Beautiful, wonderful days. That is how long my youngest child has been in this world. That's how long my oldest has been a big sister, 12 days!

I was worried about how things would go with delivery. I worried about how Madison would be with a baby around. I was worried that my love would be divided & not multiplied when this beautiful little girl entered the world. The truth is, is that the worry was for nothing. Delivery, though it had some scary moments as you can read in my birth story, was fantastic. I felt almost normal just a few hours after.

Madison when she came into my room that afternoon, looked a little worried & then a split second later a smile spread across her face & she jumped up on my bed & asked to hold her baby sister.She gave her hugs & kisses. She has been mommy's little helper since the minute we got home. She has gotten diapers, wipes, blankets, pacifiers & anything else I have asked her to get or she thinks baby sister needs.

Oh & the love! The love has multiplied by a million. I am so deeply in love with both of my girls! To see them together makes my heart swell. I hope they are always like this.The love hasn't just multiplied for my girls.

Its multiplied for my husband. I always knew he was a great man, but to see him taking care of our girls, of me & the house on top of going to work makes me love this man even more. He may not be the guy to give out compliments or say "thank you" for the things I do around the house, but he shows his love in the way he provides for us & takes care of us. He has sacrificed his turkey hunting to be here with us this year. That is love! It makes me melt to think he would give up something he loves to take care of us.

It makes me wish we could do it all again.

Birth Story

May 1st

1:30 am - Woke to a puking Madison. Had to clean her up in a tub & get her back to bed.
After she was back asleep I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. I knew something was up, but didn't know what.
4:30 am went potty & found blood in toilet. Called L&D as I had not experienced that before. Nurse informed me it was bloody show & that they would probably see me later.Talked to Dan & he decided not to go to work just in case.
5:30 called my mom to let her know what was going on.
9:15 am Went into Dr appt & explained what I was feeling & what happened. I was check & was still 2 cm, but contracting every 30 mins. She told me she thought I would be in later in the day to have baby, but set up an NST for Friday & induction for May 8.
Called my mom & told her what the Dr said. Mom decided to drive out (4 hour drive).
4:00 pm We went for a long walk after Mom got to me. (1.6 miles) I started contracting pretty good, but they died. I started to feel that it just wasn't meant to be.
8:00 pm. We put Madison to bed
9:08 pm I started contracting & timing them.
9:45 pm Dan tells me he is going to bed. I told him what was happening & that I'd be talking to him in about 20 mins as so far my contractions were 5 mins apart for a minute or more in length (needed an hour before going in)
10:30 pm I was still contracting 5 mins apart, so I went to the bedroom to talk to Dan. We decided to have my mom take me in & he would stay with Madison until I was admitted so we didn't wake Madison for nothing.
11 pm I got to the hospital & hooked up. We had issues getting the contractions to show up on screen so the nurse was palpitating for contractions. I was 3 cm at that point & contracting every 3-5 mins.
Midnight the On-call Dr decided to admit me, so we were taken to a room to get gowned & put back on the monitors. I called Dan to tell him to wake up & get moving.
12:15 am Dr comes in to talk to me about Paityn. It turns out the monitors were showing her heart rate was decelerating with my contractions, so she wanted to break my water & put the internal monitors on as they are a little more reliable. She also mentioned that if this kept up we were looking at an emergency c-section.
I called Dan & asked how long he was going to be & he told me 1 hour, so I consented to the water break right away.
12:30 am they broke my water & found that we had a little meconium in it. So they tried to prepare me for what may happen after delivery. From suctioning & her crying - therefore being fine to the worst possible. So freak out!
1:30 am Contractions were getting to be about 2-3 mins apart so I jumped on a birthing ball because laying in bed was hurting in my hips. Birthing ball was heaven. It made them feel like they were nothing. However, it only lasted 15 mins as her heart rate started to decelerate again with contractions. So back to bed & on my side I had to go.
1:45 am I got the news that I need to be put on pitocin as apparently I rocked my contractions to sleep on the ball & they were back to 5-7 mins apart. I about cried. I begged & pleaded to let it be for a while, but the Dr insisted on it because of the meconium & the heart rate decelerations. So IV was given & pitocin administered.
3 am It was time for an epidural. I couldn't take it anymore. Dan had been trying to soothe me through contractions. The nurse coached me through breathing & my mom rubbed my lower back/hips during them & it was still just too much. Almost immediately after the Epidural was put in my blood pressure dropped! It was scary for me laying there shaking & being nauseous to see the anesthesiology jump up & administer a medicine into my IV without out even talking to me. My nurse had to fill me in as he was trying to avoid issues. Which is fine at least someone was telling us what was going on. They had to work for about 30 mins to get my blood pressure back up & they gave me a dose of Zofran to help with the nausea.
4 am I got checked & was at 5 cm! Pitocin was still only at 3! I was estatic to find my body was actually doing the work!
6 am I started to feel pressure in my butt with every contraction. She was moving down!
6:30 am They checked me & was 8 cm
 7 am I decided it was time to call my Grandma to let her know since I knew she would be awake at that point.
7:15 am I hung up with my Grandma & the Dr walked into the room to check me. She didn't have to look hard. She said "Oh yeah, the head is right there! You can see her hair!" The room became a flury of activity - breaking down the bed, turning the warmer on - gowning up. There were extra nurses for baby just in case, extra for me too! Dan grabbed one leg & my mom the other. I started to push. We got in 1 push & then had to wait about a minute for another contraction to push again. Her head was out & they suctioned & suctioned her. I waited & waited anxiously & straining to hear her cry. She cried! I cried! 1 more push & she was out & on me. Dan cut her cord. She scored 9 on her apgars. When pushing I could feel the contractions & her crowning & all, but it was a dulled version. I felt when the stitched my tear up. I was still numb just not a lot.

She was born at 7:22 am weighing 8 lbs 11 oz & 20 inches long.

Despite having the pitocin & all the scares we had though common they were still scary when it happens, this labor is one that I have no regrets over. Nothing to say I wish I didn't have x,y or z. I'm pretty proud of myself for holding off & letting my body do the work that I know it was capable of & for making sure I knew what was going &  the reasons for things.

She is here!

Well, my sweet little girl, Paityn Marie made her entrance into the world Thursday May 2 @ 7:22 am. She was a whopping 8 lbs 11 oz & 20 inches!

I will post a birth story later, but I just wanted to share our joy now.

Due Date!

Well, here we are at my due date. A little disappointed I made it this far as this one seemed to want to come & now seems intent on staying put.

She has dropped down super low & has been "engaged" for what seems like weeks. Oh well, I know she will show her face soon or she has an eviction date of 5/8 (10 days away).

So what have I done today? I ran out to Walmart this morning to exchange a sun dress I bought Madison that I apparently got too big & to get some potting soil. Walmart didn't have the size I wanted just the small bags, so I ended up over at Lowes. At Lowes I found my potting soil & I also found 2 bushes for the front of the house! Sweet deal! Then we decided to work outside since it was going to be so nice out today..Dan was going to till but the tiller stopped working after one row. Oh well, at least he never had to pay for it. I decided to rip out about a 5 ft by 20 ft. section of sod & start putting in my roses. I got that ripped out & my 2 roses in the ground. I still have to put my hydrangea in, but that was enough for me today as I'm hurting a little from it. Our dirt isn't the easiest to dig in as its more clay like than anything & it was pretty wet still. I must say I'm pretty proud of all the stuff I accomplished today as its not easy moving around 9 months pregnant!

After that I had to run to Ace for some fabric to put down to keep the weeds at bay. Then I decided I deserved a blizzard from DQ. Yep! Ever since I've been sitting my butt down & watching shows with my favorite almost 3 year old (Madison).

I'm looking forward to a BBQ pulled pork sandwich & coleslaw for dinner! Just trying to enjoy the last moments/days before this little one shows up. As I'm a ticking time bomb now.

I will leave you with my 40 week picture.

Now lets hope she comes soon!