Well things are moving forward.. I guess is the way to put it.
I'm still trying to come to terms with my Grandpa's diagnosis. I'm trying to understand what he is going through and what he will go through. I know its awkward for my family to talk about, but I don't understand why? Its an illness and we've talked about all his other illnesses. I can only think that this is because its one that no matter what the outcome isn't going to be good. I am having some conflicts with this whole thing. I want my daughter to know him, but I can't really take her to see him because now that he has started chemo his immune system is going to take a shot and lets face it kids & the elderly are the ones that catch something first. I don't know what to do. So I'm trying to figure it out still.
The building of our house is going forward as well. I am in the middle of getting our townhouse ready for sale. At least there isn't anything major that I need to do to get ready. Its just clearing the clutter and taking down pictures. We are going to clean our carpets, mostly because they need it, but to help with getting it ready. Tomorrow we are meeting with our builder to hopefully finalize our plans & get a start date on the house. I am excited about it, but also very nervous because there is so much to do and so much that needs to fall into place with all of this.
I have been bad and have not been working out like I had planned this week. The problem is, is that I've been feeling sick whenever I wake in the morning and start moving. As the day goes on it gets better with a few set backs here and there. I think the stress of everything is getting to me. I just need to get up and do it!
Madison is doing well and becoming a typical toddler. She has started throwing fits when she doesn't get her way. Everything is "no" to her. We are trying to get her to say yes more often especially when we know she wants stuff. She has been really good about taking her antibiotic. I tell her its medicine time & she runs to me with her mouth open ready to take it. She loves to play in the snow, now that we have some. She also knows in order to leave the house she needs her hat & her shoes. If I even say anything about going out she runs to grab her shoes & hat. Its absolutely adorable. She is talking more and more & learning her letters. She actually came running into the living room yelling "B, B" & carrying her "B" magnet from her fridge phonics. She is just growing way too fast. Right now she is what keeps me sane even when she is throwing a fit!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
Our week.
So Yesterday was the first day that I didn't feel like I was on the verge of tears all day long. I still feel like crying every time I think of my grandpa though, which isn't a good thing. I want to be strong for him. I want to remember the good stuff with smiles not tears. I want to spend as much time as I can with him and allow my daughter the same.
I had to take Madison to the Dr because she got a sore on the thumb she sucks and got it infected. She is now on an antibiotic. The Dr even noticed that she has all 4 of her 2nd year molars to coming in at once plus she has her bottom 2 canines coming in as well. She has been so crabby, but since starting her antibiotic she is feeling better and not as crabby. On the plus side she has still be sleeping through the night with all this!
We got some snow dumped on us yesterday. I think it was about 5 inches. After Madison's nap yesterday afternoon I dressed her all nice and warm and took her out to play in the snow. She had a blast picking it up and throwing it at me and pushing it around with her hands. I only kept her out there for about 30 minutes as it was pretty cold. She had a fit when I brought her in and tried to head back out all by herself. Once I took of her snow clothes, she was better and ready for a snack!
We are still waiting to get things moving on getting the house built. We are waiting to meet with the builder to finalize plans. In the meantime I am working on getting our townhouse ready to be put on the market.
I have worked out 3 times this week so far. I think I have done pretty good. I have also been eating a little bit better. Its hard to make such big changes, but I am trying. I've only been doing the treadmill so far, but I didn't want to over do it and hurt myself, like I did last year and put off working out and never get back to it.
I made an appointment for an oil change on my truck for tomorrow and then a hair appointment for after that. These appointments mean Dan gets to take care of Madison by himself for the whole morning and part of the afternoon. I think this will be the longest he has had her by himself. I can't wait to see how it all goes as she is a momma's girl!
I have also realized in the next few weeks I have to make an appointment for Maggie for her heartworm testing and we need to reschedule our appointment to get Dan's 401K rolled over. Not too mention I need to get Madison's Pediatrician's office and Walgreens our new insurance cards as I didn't have them when I took her the other day. It seems as though my To DO List is growing instead of shrinking. Anyone wanna come help????
I had to take Madison to the Dr because she got a sore on the thumb she sucks and got it infected. She is now on an antibiotic. The Dr even noticed that she has all 4 of her 2nd year molars to coming in at once plus she has her bottom 2 canines coming in as well. She has been so crabby, but since starting her antibiotic she is feeling better and not as crabby. On the plus side she has still be sleeping through the night with all this!
We got some snow dumped on us yesterday. I think it was about 5 inches. After Madison's nap yesterday afternoon I dressed her all nice and warm and took her out to play in the snow. She had a blast picking it up and throwing it at me and pushing it around with her hands. I only kept her out there for about 30 minutes as it was pretty cold. She had a fit when I brought her in and tried to head back out all by herself. Once I took of her snow clothes, she was better and ready for a snack!
We are still waiting to get things moving on getting the house built. We are waiting to meet with the builder to finalize plans. In the meantime I am working on getting our townhouse ready to be put on the market.
I have worked out 3 times this week so far. I think I have done pretty good. I have also been eating a little bit better. Its hard to make such big changes, but I am trying. I've only been doing the treadmill so far, but I didn't want to over do it and hurt myself, like I did last year and put off working out and never get back to it.
I made an appointment for an oil change on my truck for tomorrow and then a hair appointment for after that. These appointments mean Dan gets to take care of Madison by himself for the whole morning and part of the afternoon. I think this will be the longest he has had her by himself. I can't wait to see how it all goes as she is a momma's girl!
I have also realized in the next few weeks I have to make an appointment for Maggie for her heartworm testing and we need to reschedule our appointment to get Dan's 401K rolled over. Not too mention I need to get Madison's Pediatrician's office and Walgreens our new insurance cards as I didn't have them when I took her the other day. It seems as though my To DO List is growing instead of shrinking. Anyone wanna come help????
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Bad News
I got bad news last night that left me up and crying for most of last night. My grandpa has cancer. Not just any cancer, but pancreatic & liver cancer. He got the results yesterday and the news is now spread around our family. The Dr are giving him 12-18 months, 24 months if chemo goes well.
These last few years his health has been on a decline and I knew his time was coming, but I never thought it would be like this. He's in pain now, I don't even want to think of the pain he will be in, in the months to come with chemo or even the pain he will be in, in a year.
I'm having a hard time reconciling this information with my view of him in my mind. See, my mind's eye still has him as a 50-something man who worked 2 jobs and played with us and showed us his train set. He's the same man who renewed his vows to his wife 2 or 3 times now. He is the same man I use to go wake up in the late morning/early afternoon (he worked 2 or 3rd shift) when I was about 4 or so. I still picture him as the man he was when I was growing up, not as the sick man he has been for the last 3 years.
In the last 3 years he's had a lot of health issues, so I knew that at some point I was going to get the dreaded phone call, but I never thought this would be it. At least we are being given a heads up that this is whats going to happen, but I don't know if thats really a good thing. How do you prepare yourself to say goodbye? How do you stand by and watch someone you love go through pain and agony? Don't get me wrong I am grateful to have more time with him, to be able to say and do the things that I have put off. I just don't want him to suffer.
There are few things that give me comfort in this situation. The biggest is that I know when his time comes, he will be with his mom and brother again. The next is that I know they are watching over him now.
I am trying to come to terms with this. I need to do it soon because I need to be able to call grandpa & grandma without crying and I need to be able to see them without crying. I also need to be able to face the day without hiding my tears from my sweet baby girl. I'm so happy that she got to meet him and spend time with him. Now I need to get over my sadness so I can make sure she gets to spend more time with him while she has it.
If you read this please, please pray for him. I am not asking for a miracle, just that you pray that he never suffers through this process.
These last few years his health has been on a decline and I knew his time was coming, but I never thought it would be like this. He's in pain now, I don't even want to think of the pain he will be in, in the months to come with chemo or even the pain he will be in, in a year.
I'm having a hard time reconciling this information with my view of him in my mind. See, my mind's eye still has him as a 50-something man who worked 2 jobs and played with us and showed us his train set. He's the same man who renewed his vows to his wife 2 or 3 times now. He is the same man I use to go wake up in the late morning/early afternoon (he worked 2 or 3rd shift) when I was about 4 or so. I still picture him as the man he was when I was growing up, not as the sick man he has been for the last 3 years.
In the last 3 years he's had a lot of health issues, so I knew that at some point I was going to get the dreaded phone call, but I never thought this would be it. At least we are being given a heads up that this is whats going to happen, but I don't know if thats really a good thing. How do you prepare yourself to say goodbye? How do you stand by and watch someone you love go through pain and agony? Don't get me wrong I am grateful to have more time with him, to be able to say and do the things that I have put off. I just don't want him to suffer.
There are few things that give me comfort in this situation. The biggest is that I know when his time comes, he will be with his mom and brother again. The next is that I know they are watching over him now.
I am trying to come to terms with this. I need to do it soon because I need to be able to call grandpa & grandma without crying and I need to be able to see them without crying. I also need to be able to face the day without hiding my tears from my sweet baby girl. I'm so happy that she got to meet him and spend time with him. Now I need to get over my sadness so I can make sure she gets to spend more time with him while she has it.
If you read this please, please pray for him. I am not asking for a miracle, just that you pray that he never suffers through this process.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Resolutions
Ok, so New Year's Resolutions don't work for me. So now that the newness of the year is starting to pass as we are on the 8th day of the year. I have decided I'm going to try to begin some "new" stuff.
Things I want to do this year & improve upon.
1. I want to begin and stay working out at least 2 times a week This leaves me at least Sat & Sun when Dan is home, if Madison isn't in a cooperative mood.
2. I want to get the crappy food out of my house.
3. I want to get out of the house more often.
4. I want to be more patient with my husband. I have all the patience in the world for Madison, but not for Dan for some reason.
5. I want to stop letting people get to me.
6. I want to get my townhouse up on the market and my house built.
7. I want to find new things for Madison and I to do
8. I want to have baby #2 (however, some of the other things listed need to happen first)
9. I want get my husband to take a mini-vacay just the two of us.
10. I want us to spend more time together as a family
11. I want us to spend more time with our extended families.
I don't think any of these are unreasonable at all. I think I can accomplish all of these or at least improve on all of them. I am going to try to blog about some of these so I can keep myself on track.
Things I want to do this year & improve upon.
1. I want to begin and stay working out at least 2 times a week This leaves me at least Sat & Sun when Dan is home, if Madison isn't in a cooperative mood.
2. I want to get the crappy food out of my house.
3. I want to get out of the house more often.
4. I want to be more patient with my husband. I have all the patience in the world for Madison, but not for Dan for some reason.
5. I want to stop letting people get to me.
6. I want to get my townhouse up on the market and my house built.
7. I want to find new things for Madison and I to do
8. I want to have baby #2 (however, some of the other things listed need to happen first)
9. I want get my husband to take a mini-vacay just the two of us.
10. I want us to spend more time together as a family
11. I want us to spend more time with our extended families.
I don't think any of these are unreasonable at all. I think I can accomplish all of these or at least improve on all of them. I am going to try to blog about some of these so I can keep myself on track.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Busy!
Its been a month since I blogged. Its been a busy month. We had a lot of Christmas celebrating to do. We spent about 10 days in IL visiting family and friends. We did our yearly cookie day with my friend and her family. We had such a blast! Madison had fun playing with Mathew. She would not let him out of her sight. It was so very adorable. If he left, she would call him and go get him and drag him back.
I got a day of adult time. My mom took Madison for the day and I went with Roberta to the spa for facials & massages. We then went to lunch and did a little bit of shopping. It was so nice. I don't remember the last time I had a day like that.
Madison and I were then given a covert mission to get Papaw's gift inside the house and wrapped without him knowing it. We were very successful.
We had lots of family time Thursday thru Saturday morning as my brother and his family were staying with our parents while we were there too! It was great fun watching Madison get to play with her cousins. We celebrated Christmas with them Saturday morning. Then Dan arrived around noon and we were off to go see Roberta and family to do Christmas with them. It was full of good food, great people, fun times, some tears & awesome gifts.
Then there was Christmas day! Oh the best day of all. It was nice to have our family together to celebrate. Madison got tons of gifts and she loves all of them! My favorite gift of all was that my husband didn't have to work the next day and got to stay with us for another night!
We drove home the day after Christmas and have been busy ever since. I think this may be the first time I've sat down for an extended period all week. I have taken down Christmas and made a lot of meals for the week and for freezing.
Madison had her 18 month well baby. She received 4 shots, but now we don't need any more until she is 4! The Dr confirmed what we already knew. That Madison is a tall skinny girl! 33 inches tall & 21 lbs! Other than having a cold she is healthy!
Looking forward to our last Christmas celebration tomorrow with Dan's family! Ringing in the New Year with them as well.
I got a day of adult time. My mom took Madison for the day and I went with Roberta to the spa for facials & massages. We then went to lunch and did a little bit of shopping. It was so nice. I don't remember the last time I had a day like that.
Madison and I were then given a covert mission to get Papaw's gift inside the house and wrapped without him knowing it. We were very successful.
We had lots of family time Thursday thru Saturday morning as my brother and his family were staying with our parents while we were there too! It was great fun watching Madison get to play with her cousins. We celebrated Christmas with them Saturday morning. Then Dan arrived around noon and we were off to go see Roberta and family to do Christmas with them. It was full of good food, great people, fun times, some tears & awesome gifts.
Then there was Christmas day! Oh the best day of all. It was nice to have our family together to celebrate. Madison got tons of gifts and she loves all of them! My favorite gift of all was that my husband didn't have to work the next day and got to stay with us for another night!
We drove home the day after Christmas and have been busy ever since. I think this may be the first time I've sat down for an extended period all week. I have taken down Christmas and made a lot of meals for the week and for freezing.
Madison had her 18 month well baby. She received 4 shots, but now we don't need any more until she is 4! The Dr confirmed what we already knew. That Madison is a tall skinny girl! 33 inches tall & 21 lbs! Other than having a cold she is healthy!
Looking forward to our last Christmas celebration tomorrow with Dan's family! Ringing in the New Year with them as well.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tired & Crazy
So we just got Madison back to sleeping at night and then all of a sudden Wednesday night she was up for hours and ended up in bed with us because we needed sleep so we could drive 5 hours to Michigan for Thanksgiving with Dan's family.
Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays because the whole family gets together. We have always had Thanksgiving with my family. This was the first year we did not see my family. My parents had gone to Bama to see my dad's family and well this was the first year Dan's brother hosted Thanksgiving plus the first year Dan was not in Chicago for work. We got to see Dan's brother's new house and see his whole family. We had a big slumber party at their house. It was fun. We took the dogs and they played with and hung out with their dogs. I'm not sure who had more fun and enjoyed it more the dogs or us.
Friday morning we figured out why Madison wasn't sleeping well. She popped another tooth through! Yep more teeth. We drove home on Friday and didn't do much after we got there. Madison still wasn't sleeping well.
Dan got up and went to hunt Saturday morning & Madison and I just lounged around as we didn't get much sleep plus it seems as though Madison had caught a cold. We did go out to lunch when he got home and we just started making the house look a little like Christmas. Madison enjoys that there is a light up Santa on the front porch. She didn't sleep very well Saturday night either and because we didn't have the guest bed put together, I slept on the couch because my shoulder, neck & back could not take having her all over me again, so Dan slept with her and skipped hunting. I still barely got any sleep because its not a comfy sofa to sleep on plus I can hear the dogs in their crates! Then Maggie decided that at 5:30 am she needed to go out and eat.
Finally Sunday night I got Madison to sleep in her bed. She woke once in the night and I had to soothe her and sit by her crib. Then the last 2 nights She woke up crying and once each but within 5 mins I got her calmed and asleep again. Now if I can just get her nose to stop running we would be doing great.
Well, we have lots to do between now and Christmas and then even more to do after Christmas. This is going to be interesting. I have to finish making it Christmas in the house, we have a few more presents to get and everything still needs to be wrapped. Plus there is packing to go to my mom's and Cookies to be made for Cookie Day! OH, we still need to take Madison to see Santa! Can't wait for that! Many, many adventures to be had over this Christmas season!
Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays because the whole family gets together. We have always had Thanksgiving with my family. This was the first year we did not see my family. My parents had gone to Bama to see my dad's family and well this was the first year Dan's brother hosted Thanksgiving plus the first year Dan was not in Chicago for work. We got to see Dan's brother's new house and see his whole family. We had a big slumber party at their house. It was fun. We took the dogs and they played with and hung out with their dogs. I'm not sure who had more fun and enjoyed it more the dogs or us.
Friday morning we figured out why Madison wasn't sleeping well. She popped another tooth through! Yep more teeth. We drove home on Friday and didn't do much after we got there. Madison still wasn't sleeping well.
Dan got up and went to hunt Saturday morning & Madison and I just lounged around as we didn't get much sleep plus it seems as though Madison had caught a cold. We did go out to lunch when he got home and we just started making the house look a little like Christmas. Madison enjoys that there is a light up Santa on the front porch. She didn't sleep very well Saturday night either and because we didn't have the guest bed put together, I slept on the couch because my shoulder, neck & back could not take having her all over me again, so Dan slept with her and skipped hunting. I still barely got any sleep because its not a comfy sofa to sleep on plus I can hear the dogs in their crates! Then Maggie decided that at 5:30 am she needed to go out and eat.
Finally Sunday night I got Madison to sleep in her bed. She woke once in the night and I had to soothe her and sit by her crib. Then the last 2 nights She woke up crying and once each but within 5 mins I got her calmed and asleep again. Now if I can just get her nose to stop running we would be doing great.
Well, we have lots to do between now and Christmas and then even more to do after Christmas. This is going to be interesting. I have to finish making it Christmas in the house, we have a few more presents to get and everything still needs to be wrapped. Plus there is packing to go to my mom's and Cookies to be made for Cookie Day! OH, we still need to take Madison to see Santa! Can't wait for that! Many, many adventures to be had over this Christmas season!
Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!
Friday, November 4, 2011
Random Things
There isn't too much to report. Madison and I spent 5 days at my parents while the hubby did his yearly fishing trip to MN. We had a blast. We hung out with them and I got to see a couple of friends back home. It was really nice.
Halloween snuck up on us pretty quickly. We took Madison to 8 houses- 6 in our neighborhood and then a friend's house and then to my SIL's house. Madison was a cute little Zebra. A nice warm costume for a semi-chilly night. She didn't understand what was going on at first but after our first neighbor dropped some candy in her bucket, I guess a light went on her head. Since she can't say trick or treat yet, she held the bucket out and said "agh, agh" I tell you every time she did it the person would drop more candy in her bucket. So she made out and probably got about 3 or 4 pieces per house! She did always say "thank you" as I turned her around to walk her away. Our friends & my SIL had a "goody" bag ready for her with gold fish & animal crackers instead of candy. This is nice since I try not to give her a lot of sweets.
We are still waiting to hear about our plans for the house. The real estate agent is coming here next week to look at our place and make suggestions as to what we should do to get the house ready for sale. I really want to get it on the market in Feb. I'd rather sell it and have to find temporary living arrangements than to try to carry 2 mortgages.
Its hunting season now, so I am a hunting widow on the weekends. Kind of sucks, but without it hubby would not be a happy guy. Plus lets face it, he works hard for us, so he deserves to play hard too.
I will be putting my Christmas tree up in about a week. I know, I know, way too early! I usually don't do it until the weekend after Thanksgiving, but I want to get Madison's picture in front of the tree this year for our Christmas cards & I am going to attempt to do this all on my own, so I need extra time in case I screw it up and need to do it again.Of course since the tree is going up, I'm sure I'll get the bug to put it all up. Oh, well!
I need to get going and finish my cleaning as my parents are coming to visit!
Halloween snuck up on us pretty quickly. We took Madison to 8 houses- 6 in our neighborhood and then a friend's house and then to my SIL's house. Madison was a cute little Zebra. A nice warm costume for a semi-chilly night. She didn't understand what was going on at first but after our first neighbor dropped some candy in her bucket, I guess a light went on her head. Since she can't say trick or treat yet, she held the bucket out and said "agh, agh" I tell you every time she did it the person would drop more candy in her bucket. So she made out and probably got about 3 or 4 pieces per house! She did always say "thank you" as I turned her around to walk her away. Our friends & my SIL had a "goody" bag ready for her with gold fish & animal crackers instead of candy. This is nice since I try not to give her a lot of sweets.
We are still waiting to hear about our plans for the house. The real estate agent is coming here next week to look at our place and make suggestions as to what we should do to get the house ready for sale. I really want to get it on the market in Feb. I'd rather sell it and have to find temporary living arrangements than to try to carry 2 mortgages.
Its hunting season now, so I am a hunting widow on the weekends. Kind of sucks, but without it hubby would not be a happy guy. Plus lets face it, he works hard for us, so he deserves to play hard too.
I will be putting my Christmas tree up in about a week. I know, I know, way too early! I usually don't do it until the weekend after Thanksgiving, but I want to get Madison's picture in front of the tree this year for our Christmas cards & I am going to attempt to do this all on my own, so I need extra time in case I screw it up and need to do it again.Of course since the tree is going up, I'm sure I'll get the bug to put it all up. Oh, well!
I need to get going and finish my cleaning as my parents are coming to visit!
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