2 months later

Its been a little over 2 months since Grandpa left us. I've been moving forward & doing the normal everyday stuff & just plain living life. He would have wanted that for all of us. I really have been doing fine with it, but there have been a few times I've caught myself just crying over the last few weeks.

The first was Madison's birthday which was also her party. It was the first family gathering that he wasn't physically there with us. It made me sad to know I wouldn't see him that day, but I know he was watching & probably laughing as we had a major water fight in the backyard at Mom's. He would have loved it.

Another time was just driving through Antioch, IL to go to Walmart. Why this would make me think of him & make me sad? Well, the only thing I could think of was that he was born & lived in Antioch as a boy.

Once again last night too. I was putting Madison to bed & I started tearing up. She is just such a big girl & so well behaved for a 2 year old. She says "Yes, momma" "Please" & "Thank You" all the time, plus almost never throws fits. She does as she is told about 95% of the time. It made me sad that my Gramps won't get to be here while she grows & see her love of fishing already (ok love of fishing poles at least). It made me sad that she won't go fishing with Gramps.

I know, he is watching all the time. I know he will see all of this, but its not the same as him being here, physically with us. I miss him still & I know I always will.  I just wish the water works would stop already.

The funny part is we cleaned out his shed a few weeks ago & nothing triggered this reaction there. Speaking of cleaning out the shed, my hubby went back to look at some of Gramps tools & ended up bring home an old Snoopy fishing pole for Madison to use. Its one I used as a kid & so did a lot of my cousins! He wants to go back & grab one of his old fishing poles too, that I would have used as a kid, if for nothing else, but to have a piece of Gramps here. I love my husband even more for this. He knows how important this man was to me & what a huge part of my life he was.

Stressed!

This is suppose to be a great time in our lives! We are thriving as a family & happy plus we are building our dream home! What is the problem then? The problem is our damn townhouse isn't selling! No one has come in weeks! We lowered the price & still no one is coming to see our place! We are less than 2 months away from completion of our house! What the hell are we going to do?! We could lose our dream house! What does our realtor ask me to do? Talk to someone at the bank about a Bridge Loan so we can get into the new house because empty houses sell quicker. So I left a message for them at the bank to get back to me. Then I looked up online what a bridge loan is because I don't want to get screwed either.

The Bridge loan would allow us to take the equity out of the townhouse & use it as a down payment on the new house to get us in it, we would not pay on the Bridge Loan until we sold the townhouse, but we would have to then pay 2 mortgages! We could probably do this for 2 months, but there is no way we could indefinitely! Then what happens if after 2 months its still not sold? We get screwed! Thats what?! What am I suppose to do tank my credit? I don't think so! It doesn't sound like something we should do to me. I think I would rather lose my dream house (sad & very upsetting yes!) than to take a chance on tanking our credit & screw us on other things we want to do (hmm bankruptcy doesn't sound good to me nor does losing all of our savings)

I'll still go & talk to the bank as I want to learn a little more about it plus get a quote on doing our mortgage anyway.


Anyone wanna buy a townhouse?

My baby is going to wake up as a 2 year old tomorrow!

I can't believe how quickly 2 years has gone by. I can't believe how much change 2 years has made in my child or even how much change happened in her in 1 year.

 She has changed so much in this last year. At this time last year, she was a butt scooter & only learned to walk at about 15 months. She barely said any words except the standard ones (dada, mama, baba, up, etc) & now she has a limitless vocabulary & is putting together 3 & sometimes 4 word sentences, more if you get her to repeat something. She has quite the memory too. She is starting to count & recognize letters as well. She follows alot of instructions too! Tonight, she even put her own PJ shorts on by herself tonight.

Madison loves her puppies! Boo Boo & Moo Moo Mags are just her favorites! She has become Minnie Mouse obsessed! She is still a little Man Shy, but gets over it quickly if that Man plays with her (peek-a-boo is the best). She is such a healthy eater. Blueberries, Raspberries, Bananas, Broccoli, Cauliflower & Carrots are some of her favorites. She loves to Skype with people, mostly Mathew & Aunt B though! She loves when we visit Memaw & Papaw. She runs to greet Daddy when he comes home from work. She really enjoys her fishing pole & always asks to go fishing.

This little girl has brought me so much joy & love. I never thought or knew how fulfilled I would be by taking care of my child & doing nothing else (not working) .I feel so blessed to have her in my life. I'm so proud to call her my daughter. I just can't wait to see what this next year brings us & what she is going to do.

I love you, Madison!

First Visit

Saturday, we went to help clean out Grandma's shed so she could actually use it without tripping over stuff & having so much garbage in her way. I love my Grandpa, but he kept a lot of stuff that should have just been thrown out. It took a few hours but we got it cleaned out & sorted into 3 piles (keep, throw away & sell/give away). After we got this done we hang out for a bit with Grams & had some ice cream. 

I think Madison & Grams really enjoyed each others company. They watched a bit of Mickey Mouse, played outside, swung in the swing, used a squirt gun on my truck, played with a ball & etc. I'm not sure which one of them had more fun! Just so happy to see my Grams happy.

Well, when we left we went for our first visit to Grampy since he was laid to rest. I'm not sure I knew what to expect really. I guess I had hoped that I wouldn't see a huge difference in where he was laid to rest & the rest of the grass around him. I love him, but it feels like he has been gone longer than just a month & half now. The grass above him was all brown & dead looking, which just reinforced the real reason I was there. Grampy is gone. I know he will live forever in my heart & the hearts of all those that loved him, but it hurt to see that grass like that.. I couldn't let it show because my baby girl was there & she was kind of iffy about the whole thing already. My little Madison, did the Hot Dog Dance  (if you've seen Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, you know what I'm talking about) for him. She even found some leaves to leave him (she always collects leaves & sticks when we are outside & wants to bring them home). She didn't want to leave him when it was time to go. I didn't really want to leave either because I had so much I wanted to tell him, but it was time to get going.

All in all it wasn't a bad first visit & I plan to head back to see him before I head home too. I think its always going to be hard for me to go there, but even harder for me to leave there too.

Status Quo

Yeah, its been a while. Things have been status quo around here. We are back in our normal routine & having a little extra fun & here and there.

Memorial Day weekend we took Madison to the Farmer's Market, Ren Fair & to a Blues & BBQ fest all on 1 day. I was expecting a terror by night time since she wasn't going to truly nap, but believe it or not she did wonderful. We had a moment or two at the Blues & BBQ fest, but we were able to diffuse her quickly & she started dancing to the music instead. 

This past Saturday, Dan had to work so we didn't do anything. Sunday though we went to the Art Fest in Downtown Iowa City. There was some really neat stuff & if we weren't going to have the expenses of moving & buying a new house, I would have bought some art there. We did sneak in a few selections from Culinary Row for lunch & then headed home. Madison was in all her glory after her nap because Daddy took her into the garage & let her help him put together the power washer. Then she got to use sidewalk chalk on the patio while Daddy grilled us some dinner. All & all a good weekend.

I have been trying to plan Madison's 2nd birthday party along with some fun things to do while we are visiting my family & friends back in IL. We will be visiting the Milwaukee Zoo with Madison's favorite, Mathew & Aunt B. Hoping to get in a visit with some others too. Then we are having her party at my mom's house on her 2nd birthday! Its just family since we cannot afford a huge party because of building the house & the moving expenses that are coming. 

Other than that I'm trying to get a few things done for the house. Picking colors, finding movers, getting pricing on a water softener & pricing for a few other things that we would like for the house to decide if we can do them now or wait until later. Its pretty exciting to think that in a little over 2 months we will be in our new house!