Rocking my baby

I sit here at 11 pm with your little body nestled into mine, Paityn. Sucking your thumb & starting to fall asleep. I know I should put you in your crib at this point but I can't bring myself to do it. It won't be long before these moments midnight snuggles fade away & you become a sassy 3 yr old like your sister.

I wish time could stand still for a while. You girls are growing so fast & I don't have a rewind button on your babyhood or your sister's either. I am trying to store as many memories as possible for you both, but its hard & I just want to enjoy you two.

Oh Paityn & Madison! You girls have my heart in your little hands. My heart is overwhelmed with love for you that I have a hard to not bursting into tears all the time. Tears of joy, joy you both have brought me & tears of hurt & pain because I feel every owie you get in my heart. Why you ask? Because each of you is a part of my heart. Some day when you are Mommies, you will understand.

Just do me a favor & don't grow so fast.

Happy 1/2 Birthday, Paityn!

Oh Paityn, where has the last 6 months gone? Last thing I knew you were itty bitty & then I blinked & you are this 6 month old little girl.

You love to eat solid food. Anytime I put you in your high chair you scream your head off until I feed you. You squeal & laugh when ever I bounce you on the couch cushion or the bed. You smile at your daddy every time he comes into the room. You have learned to shake your head no. You sit up pretty good, but are still trying to figure out how to get moving. I know for a fact that the minute you figure out this crawling thing you are going to really become a handful. You love bath time especially when you get to splash around in the tubby with your big sister. You watch Madison like a hawk. You are starting to babble up a storm, which means I will have 2 girls who don't stop talking! One of your favorite things to do now a days is to make your excersaucer rock.

Oh, these last 6 months have been awesome because I got to watch you grow. I can't wait for the next 6 months to see what they bring as well as to see you grow your whole life.

Blink & time goes by

How is that over a year has gone by since we moved into this house? I'm having a hard time with that because it seems like we just moved in yesterday. I know its not the case because I was pregnant when we moved in & now I have a beautiful almost 5 month old sitting here in her excersaucer playing.

Time just seems to go by quicker the older I get or is that just because I have kids?  Its hard to believe that 2 kids can grow so fast, but they do. Take a baby for example. As a newborn as in hours old, what do they do? Eat, sleep, pee & poop, right? By 5 months old they can smile, laugh, follow movement, turn their heads to noises they hear or to look for mommy or daddy & start mimicking sounds. Some can even sit up at this point & others may already be on their way to crawling, Hell, I've seen video of one that can pull themselves up to a stand & even take a few steps holding on to a piece of furniture (crazy earlier & thankful its not my kid!) They learn & grow so fast that at times like with Madison I don't remember her ever not talking. I have to ask her every now & then where she learned things because truth be told I don't remember teaching her or anyone else teaching her certain things. She is 3 & knows her abc's the song (we are still working on letter & number recognition). That seemed to happen over night! She puts herself to bed 1/2 the time!

I find myself sitting there at night after both girls are off to sleep in their beds what they will wake up tomorrow & know with no one teaching them. Both of them are little sponges. I wonder when I'm going to walk into Paityn's room in the morning & find her standing there waiting for me instead of laying there happily playing. When is it that Madison will be getting up to potty all by herself in the middle of the night without any help?

Madison is already starting to need me less or at least in a different way. I don't have to get her dressed, but I do have to pick out her clothes so she matches & doesn't look like a clown when we need to go places. She'll get to pick out her shirt or pants & will just get her the other that matches it. Like today she picked out her Roll Tide Jersey, so i grabbed her a pair of black yoga pants to wear. Though she did pick out her pink Minnie Mouse socks to wear with it, but its her feet who is going to really see that!

My kids make the days go slower especially when they are cranky! They also make the years go fast! It's like I blinked & a year went by.  My mom sure wasn't kidding when she told me to not blink because once I do the next thing I'll know is Madison will be 16 & off to prom, then with another blink she will be getting married & having babies of her own. There is something to my mom's words. There always has been, too bad I never listened until I had my own babies.

What do you do to tighten your belts?

I've been the one paying our bills for years now. Since I was the one always home, but since we moved into the new house, it stresses me out! Since we moved its like the house is eating our savings up! Yes, its all stuff we needed like blinds for the windows, a snowblower, a lawnmower, weed wacker, edger & all that good stuff. We needed to build a bedroom in the basement too, so that ate up a good amount.  Then there are those things that you need to pay for like insurance. Its higher because we are in our own home instead of in the townhouse. Taxes are going up soon too & that stresses me. We also spent a good amount on canning stuff since this was the first year (jars, processing pot & all the accessories needed), but that will save us $$ in the long run this year because I won't have to buy pickles, salsa, diced tomatoes, stewed tomatoes & so on.

I have recently gone through what we have been spending the most on & it comes down to groceries & "household" things. So I have told my husband we need to stop eating out (his lunches mostly) & we need to cut way back on our munchy foods like chips, pretzels, nuts & what not. Even the beer needs to be cut back (way back).

Besides these items I've been thinking about what else I could cut out. We don't have balances on credit cards. I've already tried to refi my truck unsuccessfully to get a lower rate. I already got us on a lower cell phone plan. I think we can ditch our home phone because we never use it & it costs us $20-30 a month. I'm tied into my cable due to a contract, so I can't do much there though I will look to see if we can get a cheaper plan.

I stay home with my girls 9/10 times. I usually only leave the house to go places when we need groceries or for Dr's/Chiropractor appointments. So I don't get tempted to buy things we don't need or need gas as often since I have a gas guzzler (Trailblazer). Though I do make my trips back to IL to visit family every so often, but thinking this is going to slow down now.

On the plus side, I don't have to worry about our utilities bills being too high. It costs us the same amount here in this house as it did in the townhouse (the house is at least 2x the size 3x if you include our basement as the townhouse) because we got put in geothermal instead of your standard heating & air conditioning. I also have no gas run to the house. Everything is electric! Its great except when the power goes out, but we haven't had to really deal with that at all. We flicker during bad storms & have lost power 1 time for an hour due to a scheduled outage (they were fixing something up the road).


So what do you do to save money?

Shattered

Feeling like my world has just been shattered again. I just put the pieces back together from my grandpa's death & now I have learned that my grandma has cancer. It was found in the roof of her mouth. They did a biopsy & from reading the report it didn't seem like anything serious. Then she had surgery to have it removed. They got most of it & the surgeon commented that it looked benign, so we were all so hopeful about what it would mean for her.

She has an aggressive cancer. One that if it goes into remission has a good chance of coming back & spreading. She has to go for radiation for 6 weeks 5 days a week. They are giving her a few weeks to heal from her surgery before she begins. So during this time I'm heading back for a visit with the girls. I'm not sure if she will be able to hold the girls while she is going through radiation so I need to make sure she gets them in her arms before, otherwise that could be a long 6 weeks for her.

Its been over a week now since I was told. I've come to terms with what it means right now, what it could mean in the future & now hope fills me again. I know my grandma. She is a feisty, strong 78 yr old woman who engages in water fights with the great-grand-babies & grand-kids & anyone else who gets in the line of fire. I know she will fight hard especially with her having another great-grand-baby on the way (no its not me). 

If you read this, could you take the time to send out a prayer or good thought for her? That would mean more than anything else.

Adventures in Potty Training

I have tried everything to get Madison to potty train. We have bribed her with everything known to man.

• Candy
• Money
• Toys
• Stickers
• Party hats & horns
• Movies
• Shows
• Chocolate Milk
• Treats
• Going to the Park
• Going to lunch
• Going to the mall
• Getting to go to pre-school (more kids her age!)

Nothing worked for more than a day. I took to a potty chart & nothing. I tried a Responsibility chart. It peeked her interest & she'd sit on the potty when she got up from bed & before taking a tubby, but that was the extent. I couldn't believe this 3 year old kid would rather sit in pee & poop in a diaper than to have a clean butt!

Then it happened. She pooped her diaper & sat in for I'm not sure how long. It was long enough to make her poor bottom red & hurt. That's when she spoke up. I literally had to wrestle a bare-assed 3 year old to the floor & hold her down to clean her butt because it hurt her so bad. That was it. Something had to give & I'd be damned if I allowed my child another day of diapers. I hadn't wanted to force her for fear she would think it was a bad thing & retaliate with peeing & pooping on my floors, but this was the last straw.

I called my mom after putting Madison to bed & discussed a strategy. My mom couldn't believe that this girl would be so ok with sitting in poop. She said she had never heard of a girl being ok with this. Goes to show how strong willed & pig headed my daughter is. I wonder where she gets that from (looks around). 

Tuesday, we got up & got ready for our day. She got put in a pull up & we went to Walmart. At Walmart we picked up a couple of packs of big girl panties. We had 3 pairs at home, I figured 2 accidents & we'd be screwed so we needed more before we started this adventure. As soon as we got home the new rule went into effect. If we are home & awake no diapers! So she sat on the potty & we put on big girl undies. She did good. We only went to diapers at nap time & bed time. Unfortunately she held out until that diaper at nap time before peeing. She some how stayed dry all afternoon & into the evening. Then right before bed time it happened, she had her first accident. She started in my bedroom & had a trail all the way to the bathroom. Hey, at least she tried to get there!

Wednesday. We got 1 pee in the potty & then an accident after dinner while outside playing with the puppies with daddy. No biggie! Though she does scream bloody murder when she has an accident.

Thursday We got 1 pee in the potty & no accidents. Then we got in the tubby for bath time & the worst happened. She pooped in the tub. All hell broke loose for that!

Friday. We got 2 pees in the potty & a poop in our pull up at nap time. 1 accident on my kitchen floor shortly after sitting on the potty. We woke up from nap with a dry pull up.

Saturday. We got a few pees in the potty. No accidents & a dry pull up after nap.

Today. She finally figured it out! She woke up dry at 6:30 yelling she had to go potty! She did it. Through out the day she'd just go sit on the potty & pee & then tell us she did it. Then the big deal! She pooped on the potty. I was feeding Paityn & then all of a sudden she yells "I'm pooping!" I asked if she was on the potty & she says "YES" She did it! She pooped on the potty! Her words after pooping on the potty were "It doesn't hurt my butt!" We had no accidents. Now, what really solidified it was she just woke up & yelled "I have to go pee!" So I raced up the stairs got her out of bed & we ran to the potty. Took off her diaper & sat her down. Within seconds she peed! She is now back asleep.

Its been a rough week! I can tell you the first 3 days of potty training made me want to drink! I am so proud of my baby girl! She is turning into such a big girl! If I had known that taking her diapers away would have made her finally start going on the potty I would have done it months ago.

Hardest week, yet with a toddler, but so worth it!

Struggles

When I had Madison over 3 years ago, I struggled. It was a struggle to get things done like making dinner or cleaning the house. I was lucky to get a shower or get myself dressed by noon. It was tough being a first time mom. I'll never forget it. I struggled with breastfeeding on top of it all. I honestly don't know how I managed to make it through because we also had 2 dogs & 1 of them was a puppy.

This time around I not only have a baby, but I have a 3 year old, 2 dogs (thankfully no puppy this time) & to top it all off we have a house (not a townhouse where all the yard work is taken care off) that is double the size & a decent size yard with a huge garden. This time I'm not struggling with breastfeeding. I'm not struggling to make dinner or clean the house. I am getting dressed by 9 am. The showering usually has to wait until the hubby is home or until right before bed (when the girls are both asleep). The only thing I seem to be struggling with is being able to do the things I love to do like read a good book or watch a movie.

I am also struggling with letting Paityn have a bottle. I'm afraid by doing so it will begin the demise of our breastfeeding journey. Yet, I want to have a drink & be able to leave her for a few hours to run errands or get my hair done or just go out to dinner with my husband sans kids. I'm struggling with turning Madison's car seat around. I know its time, but I just can't bring myself to do it just yet.

What's a mom to do? If its not one thing its another you struggle with. Isn't it funny how different things are when you have that second child???!

Content with life

Last night while I was laying in my bed with my husband & a baby sleeping in a bassinet next to me & a toddler down the hall asleep in her room, I realized that I am content & very happy with my life. Oh, sure I have the everyday things to complain about like the garbage needs taken out or the toddler is screaming bloody murder for no reason or even the fact that I can't just jump in the shower at any given moment, but my life is beautiful.

I have everything I ever wanted & no I'm not talking about the materialistic things, though I'm not hurting there either.

I have a loving husband who I know adores me & even at my heaviest weight & on my worst day still finds me attractive. He would give me anything I wanted and truthfully he already has. He gave me the best gifts in the world. He gave me our daughters.  I watch him with the 2 of them & I fall in love with him all over. The way he shows Madison how to do things, like fish or hit a ball with a bat & when he walks around talking to Paityn & bouncing her to keep her calm, just it makes my heart melt.

I have my little Madison, who at the tender age of 3 can break my heart in seconds & then build it right back up with 4 little words "I love you, Mommy!" She is my funny, witty, smart & beautiful girl. Some days I wonder how I got so lucky to have this little girl for my daughter. She cares about the small things like when I leave to go some where & she stays with Daddy. I give her hugs & kisses & then she will remind me that Daddy needs them too! A little picnic on the living room floor during a rainy day makes her happy.

Then there is my little Paityn. Almost 10 weeks old, but brightens my days with her sweet smile & infectious laugh whenever she sees me even if it was only seconds ago.

Last but definitely not least my 2 crazy dogs. They make life a little hectic at times, but are too lovable & cute to forget.

Its a wonderful beautiful life! I can't believe its mine. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up & it will all be gone, but I get up every morning & thank God that I get another day of it.

I hope anyone reading this experiences this feeling of udder happiness & contentedness!

My biggest baby is 3!

Madison is 3 years old today! When did this happen? How did this happen? It couldn't have been 3 years since I gave birth to her!

Madison is a happy, bright 3 year old! She has an exceptional memory. She knows her colors, can count to 14. She knows her name & address. She talks a mile a minute.  She is getting braver at the playground & even with jumping off the front steps. She is a great big sister & is so gentle & loving with Paityn that its hard to believe she is so little. She has grown leaps & bounds in the last year. Just look at these pictures!

1st day of being 2

Last day of being 2

1st day of being 3

Madison,

You have grown so much. Sometimes I feel as though if I blink you will be 16 or 18 & leaving home, so I try my hardest not to. Please slow down a little in growing our time with you this little is going way too fast already. 

My Imperfect Looking Perfect House

If you come over to my house, you know what you will see?? A mess! You will see toys strewn across the living room, dust on a lot of surfaces, baby blankets, burp clothes & other baby needs laying about. You may even see a pile of dishes in my sink. Baby clothes that have been washed maybe laying on the guest bed. The bag I used to pack to go to my parents still laying on the floor in my room with a few items in it. I may have dirty floors or counters that need to be wiped. Hell, my bathrooms may even need a good scrubbing.

So I ask you if you come over to look closer. Look at what I am creating, not at the mess. I'm creating memories with my girls. From reading books & doing puzzles with Madison to snuggling on the couch with Paityn trying to get her to smile or coo at me. My house is full of toddler talk, screams & laughter, along with baby coos, cries & smiles.  These are the things that matter to me. I get to watch them grow & learn 24/7 now and that is what I want to focus on. I want my girls to remember what we did together & the time we spent together, not "wow, Mom had a really clean house while we were growing up!"

Yes, you would think that being a stay at home mom would give me lots of time to get things cleaned & picked up, but children don't wait to grow up. Therefore, something has to wait & that ends up being the dust on my furniture, the dirt on my floors, the dishes in my sink or those pesky bathrooms, but I in no way have a filthy house either. That in part is thanks to a husband who steps up & cleans or takes over on the memory making for me to get things done.

You see as my house my not look perfect because of the mess, it is perfect because of the memories I made & am making with my girls. Its their laughter & smiles & yes even their cries that make it so perfect. These times are too precious, plus when they go off to school I'll have a lot of time to clean while I miss them.

4 weeks

My dear Paityn will be 4 weeks tomorrow. We get to spend lots of bonding time together this week as Madison is visiting family in Alabama with my wonderful parents.

I have noticed that Paityn is a very chill baby. She loves to chill out laying on her blanket on the floor or swinging in her swing or sitting her carseat. She falls asleep within seconds of being put in the Ergo Carrier & will sleep until she is taken out of it. She also falls alseep in her car seat within minutes especially if in motion. She becomes crabby around 7/8 pm & just wants to be held.

Paityn has been the best sleeper too. Since about 5 days old she has been sleeping at least 1 5-6 hour stretch at night with some nights being longer. Her longest has been 8 hours.

She has become a smiley little happy baby. She will lay on the sofa & talk to the back of it. She is constantly smiling & staring at her big sister's pictures too. She has finally started liking her baths too.

I know Madison has been in love with her baby sister. She even told me that she misses Paityn while she has been gone.

We are still working things out as far as how to get cleaning, cooking & yard work done while I have Paityn. Its more difficult with 2 kids, but its all worth it to watch the 2 of them grow.

12 Beautiful, Wonderful Days

12 Days. 12 Beautiful, wonderful days. That is how long my youngest child has been in this world. That's how long my oldest has been a big sister, 12 days!

I was worried about how things would go with delivery. I worried about how Madison would be with a baby around. I was worried that my love would be divided & not multiplied when this beautiful little girl entered the world. The truth is, is that the worry was for nothing. Delivery, though it had some scary moments as you can read in my birth story, was fantastic. I felt almost normal just a few hours after.

Madison when she came into my room that afternoon, looked a little worried & then a split second later a smile spread across her face & she jumped up on my bed & asked to hold her baby sister.She gave her hugs & kisses. She has been mommy's little helper since the minute we got home. She has gotten diapers, wipes, blankets, pacifiers & anything else I have asked her to get or she thinks baby sister needs.

Oh & the love! The love has multiplied by a million. I am so deeply in love with both of my girls! To see them together makes my heart swell. I hope they are always like this.The love hasn't just multiplied for my girls.

Its multiplied for my husband. I always knew he was a great man, but to see him taking care of our girls, of me & the house on top of going to work makes me love this man even more. He may not be the guy to give out compliments or say "thank you" for the things I do around the house, but he shows his love in the way he provides for us & takes care of us. He has sacrificed his turkey hunting to be here with us this year. That is love! It makes me melt to think he would give up something he loves to take care of us.

It makes me wish we could do it all again.

Birth Story

May 1st

1:30 am - Woke to a puking Madison. Had to clean her up in a tub & get her back to bed.
After she was back asleep I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. I knew something was up, but didn't know what.
4:30 am went potty & found blood in toilet. Called L&D as I had not experienced that before. Nurse informed me it was bloody show & that they would probably see me later.Talked to Dan & he decided not to go to work just in case.
5:30 called my mom to let her know what was going on.
9:15 am Went into Dr appt & explained what I was feeling & what happened. I was check & was still 2 cm, but contracting every 30 mins. She told me she thought I would be in later in the day to have baby, but set up an NST for Friday & induction for May 8.
Called my mom & told her what the Dr said. Mom decided to drive out (4 hour drive).
4:00 pm We went for a long walk after Mom got to me. (1.6 miles) I started contracting pretty good, but they died. I started to feel that it just wasn't meant to be.
8:00 pm. We put Madison to bed
9:08 pm I started contracting & timing them.
9:45 pm Dan tells me he is going to bed. I told him what was happening & that I'd be talking to him in about 20 mins as so far my contractions were 5 mins apart for a minute or more in length (needed an hour before going in)
10:30 pm I was still contracting 5 mins apart, so I went to the bedroom to talk to Dan. We decided to have my mom take me in & he would stay with Madison until I was admitted so we didn't wake Madison for nothing.
11 pm I got to the hospital & hooked up. We had issues getting the contractions to show up on screen so the nurse was palpitating for contractions. I was 3 cm at that point & contracting every 3-5 mins.
Midnight the On-call Dr decided to admit me, so we were taken to a room to get gowned & put back on the monitors. I called Dan to tell him to wake up & get moving.
12:15 am Dr comes in to talk to me about Paityn. It turns out the monitors were showing her heart rate was decelerating with my contractions, so she wanted to break my water & put the internal monitors on as they are a little more reliable. She also mentioned that if this kept up we were looking at an emergency c-section.
I called Dan & asked how long he was going to be & he told me 1 hour, so I consented to the water break right away.
12:30 am they broke my water & found that we had a little meconium in it. So they tried to prepare me for what may happen after delivery. From suctioning & her crying - therefore being fine to the worst possible. So freak out!
1:30 am Contractions were getting to be about 2-3 mins apart so I jumped on a birthing ball because laying in bed was hurting in my hips. Birthing ball was heaven. It made them feel like they were nothing. However, it only lasted 15 mins as her heart rate started to decelerate again with contractions. So back to bed & on my side I had to go.
1:45 am I got the news that I need to be put on pitocin as apparently I rocked my contractions to sleep on the ball & they were back to 5-7 mins apart. I about cried. I begged & pleaded to let it be for a while, but the Dr insisted on it because of the meconium & the heart rate decelerations. So IV was given & pitocin administered.
3 am It was time for an epidural. I couldn't take it anymore. Dan had been trying to soothe me through contractions. The nurse coached me through breathing & my mom rubbed my lower back/hips during them & it was still just too much. Almost immediately after the Epidural was put in my blood pressure dropped! It was scary for me laying there shaking & being nauseous to see the anesthesiology jump up & administer a medicine into my IV without out even talking to me. My nurse had to fill me in as he was trying to avoid issues. Which is fine at least someone was telling us what was going on. They had to work for about 30 mins to get my blood pressure back up & they gave me a dose of Zofran to help with the nausea.
4 am I got checked & was at 5 cm! Pitocin was still only at 3! I was estatic to find my body was actually doing the work!
6 am I started to feel pressure in my butt with every contraction. She was moving down!
6:30 am They checked me & was 8 cm
 7 am I decided it was time to call my Grandma to let her know since I knew she would be awake at that point.
7:15 am I hung up with my Grandma & the Dr walked into the room to check me. She didn't have to look hard. She said "Oh yeah, the head is right there! You can see her hair!" The room became a flury of activity - breaking down the bed, turning the warmer on - gowning up. There were extra nurses for baby just in case, extra for me too! Dan grabbed one leg & my mom the other. I started to push. We got in 1 push & then had to wait about a minute for another contraction to push again. Her head was out & they suctioned & suctioned her. I waited & waited anxiously & straining to hear her cry. She cried! I cried! 1 more push & she was out & on me. Dan cut her cord. She scored 9 on her apgars. When pushing I could feel the contractions & her crowning & all, but it was a dulled version. I felt when the stitched my tear up. I was still numb just not a lot.

She was born at 7:22 am weighing 8 lbs 11 oz & 20 inches long.

Despite having the pitocin & all the scares we had though common they were still scary when it happens, this labor is one that I have no regrets over. Nothing to say I wish I didn't have x,y or z. I'm pretty proud of myself for holding off & letting my body do the work that I know it was capable of & for making sure I knew what was going &  the reasons for things.

She is here!

Well, my sweet little girl, Paityn Marie made her entrance into the world Thursday May 2 @ 7:22 am. She was a whopping 8 lbs 11 oz & 20 inches!

I will post a birth story later, but I just wanted to share our joy now.

Due Date!

Well, here we are at my due date. A little disappointed I made it this far as this one seemed to want to come & now seems intent on staying put.

She has dropped down super low & has been "engaged" for what seems like weeks. Oh well, I know she will show her face soon or she has an eviction date of 5/8 (10 days away).

So what have I done today? I ran out to Walmart this morning to exchange a sun dress I bought Madison that I apparently got too big & to get some potting soil. Walmart didn't have the size I wanted just the small bags, so I ended up over at Lowes. At Lowes I found my potting soil & I also found 2 bushes for the front of the house! Sweet deal! Then we decided to work outside since it was going to be so nice out today..Dan was going to till but the tiller stopped working after one row. Oh well, at least he never had to pay for it. I decided to rip out about a 5 ft by 20 ft. section of sod & start putting in my roses. I got that ripped out & my 2 roses in the ground. I still have to put my hydrangea in, but that was enough for me today as I'm hurting a little from it. Our dirt isn't the easiest to dig in as its more clay like than anything & it was pretty wet still. I must say I'm pretty proud of all the stuff I accomplished today as its not easy moving around 9 months pregnant!

After that I had to run to Ace for some fabric to put down to keep the weeds at bay. Then I decided I deserved a blizzard from DQ. Yep! Ever since I've been sitting my butt down & watching shows with my favorite almost 3 year old (Madison).

I'm looking forward to a BBQ pulled pork sandwich & coleslaw for dinner! Just trying to enjoy the last moments/days before this little one shows up. As I'm a ticking time bomb now.

I will leave you with my 40 week picture.

Now lets hope she comes soon!

Hard Day

Today has been pretty hard. After last night I thought for sure I was going to be having my baby today. I had contractions pretty much all day. At 9 pm I was having them steadily every 7 mins for 1-1 1/2 mins in length & they were starting to get annoying. Well at around 10 pm I decided I was going to go lay in bed & try to get some sleep at the Dr told me 5 mins apart 1 min in length for 1 hour before heading in. Well, sure enough I slept. Woke up with acid reflux issues a few times. I could feel contractions but they had spread out again. By this morning they were almost gone. GRRR!

I was so exhausted. Felt like I didn't sleep a wink. woke up just before 7:30 & realized I had a Chiropractor appt at 8:30! CRAP! Had to get my butt dressed, wake Madison & get her dressed. Well, no time for breakfast. DAMN IT! Went to the appt, then went to the mall & had breakfast at Panera & let Madison play for bit. Well, contractions started up again. We headed home, just in case. I got a big "HAHA!" from the contractions as the died out again. Son of a xxxxx! Oh well, After lunch Madison went down for a nap & guess what I did?! Yep I napped for 2 1/2 hours, could have slept more, but little miss woke up yelling. I have just been miserable since. I feel exhausted & have a headache that won't go away.


To make matters worse I just want to go crawl under my pillows & cry. Today marks 1 year since I said goodbye to my Grandpa. Grumpy Grampy as I liked to call him. It was this day one year ago that our family gathered around his bedside & prayed, told stories & well, just waited. Its a day I have mixed emotions about. So grateful I got to be there, to hold his hand & tell him it was ok to go when he took his last breathe. Though another part of me wishes I never had to live it, but that side just doesn't want to have lived it because I want him here! I want him to be there to say hi to his new great-granddaughter & take both of them fishing, like he took my brother & I. That is obviously the selfish side of me.

Watching someone pass, especially someone close to you, even if its in a very peaceful manner as my Grandpa's was, is something that changes you. It changes the way you look at things. It gives you new perspective. I always thought that watching him pass would be traumatic, but honestly, it wasn't. It was a relief because I knew he was no longer in pain. It was sad. It was more than I think I could ever describe, but its something that I'm glad I was there for. It made me realize I was stronger than I thought I was. I feel lucky to have been there with him. It changed me in the fact that I started seeking out God more. No, I'm still not into religion, well, organized religion, but I'm open to it now. When I say I'm seeking God out, I mean I pray more, I talk to him more. I look for Him more in my life.

If I had to be honest here, I would say the day is hardest because I wanted my baby girl here today because her entrance to the world would make this day better. It would no longer be the anniversary of my Grandpa's death, but it would be the day my baby was born. I think it would heal more in me & in my family that we knew we needed healed. It would be a circle closed - a circle of life - so to speak.

Week 40

Well, I opted out of being induced on Wednesday. Also opted out for next week Monday. Now, I go back to the Dr on 5/1 if this baby doesn't show her face before then.

We are still at 2 cm. I've been contracting on & off all day so far. More so since my appt as she stripped my membranes in hopes to get things moving along. She said it seems as though my body was already gearing up for labor so lets hope this really gets it moving. I would love to have my little one in my arms!

I have actually been hoping all along that this little one would show her face tomorrow. As tomorrow is a hard day. It will mark a year since I held my grandfather's hand & told him it was ok to go, as he passed away. Its a day I never want to forget, but at the same time, I would love for a happy memory to help ease the pain that comes with it. Plus to have her show her face on that day would also be a circle of life so to speak.

So off to do some cleaning & walking & anything else I can think of to get this baby motivated to get out!

How far along? 39 weeks 1 day

Total weight gain: 23 lbs (no gain in 2 week!)

Maternity clothes? Yes, since about 7 weeks

Stretch marks? I think my stretch marks have stretch marks

Linea Nigra:  Still Not yet (never had one with Madison, so...)

Sleep: Not much. Insomnia is back.

Times you Potty a Night:  3 + times a night

Best moment of the week: Having a day all to myself!

Miss anything?  Not really

Movement: Yes, but as she grows she is running out of room & doesn't move as often.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Not at all.

Cravings: Mexican Food!

Gender prediction:  Doesn't matter anymore because its a girl
Gender: GIRL

Labor signs:  Contractions - 2 cm dilated 50% effaced, loss of pieces of plug

Symptoms:  The bump in front, some sore boobs, & pregnancy insomnia & being uncomfortable

Aches & Pains:  A sore lower back from carrying the bump & a sciatic nerve pain, the hip & pelvic pain & the pain of a baby head bouncing off my cervix all day long!

Belly button in or out? Still in, but seems like it might just pop out soon.

Wedding rings on or off? Off. Sadness.

Happy or moody most of the time? Uncomfortable

Looking forward to:  Holding my baby girl in my arms!

Week 39

What can I say? I've been uncomfortable for a while. Today at my appointment I was told I'm finally 2 cm! WOOHOO! This is more progress than I made with Madison before heading into the hospital & being put on pitocin. Honestly, with Madison I wasn't even 2 cm until 14 hours after my water broke (12 hours after Pit was started), so this is huge news! I got a sweep done & have been contracting since, just not regularly. If it doesn't put me in labor, I hope it at least gets me to more progress.

Now I was also given the option of being induced next week Wednesday (4/24). As nice as it sounds to have a date, I'm not sure what I want to do. I hated Pit with Madison & would really love to avoid it, but at the same time I am miserable & just ready to be done. I don't have to have a decision until Monday when my next appt is. If I make it to Monday's appt she will do a sweep again to try to get things going without the drugs. I guess I will spend the next few days weighing my options.

How far along? 38 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain: 22 lbs (no gain in 2 week!)

Maternity clothes? Yes, since about 7 weeks

Stretch marks? I think my stretch marks have stretch marks

Linea Nigra:  Still Not yet (never had one with Madison, so...)

Sleep: Not much. Insomnia is back.

Times you Potty a Night:  3 + times a night

Best moment of the week: Having a day all to myself!

Miss anything?  Not really

Movement: Yes, I'm getting kicked & punched daily. Hubby is finally able to feel the movement of this baby girl & now pokes & prods at her when she does kick him.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Not at all.

Cravings: Mexican Food!

Gender prediction:  Doesn't matter anymore because its a girl
Gender: GIRL

Labor signs:  Contractions - 2 cm dilated 50% effaced - Progress has been made!

Symptoms:  The bump in front, some sore boobs, & pregnancy insomnia & being uncomfortable

Aches & Pains:  A sore lower back from carrying the bump & a sciatic nerve pain, the hip & pelvic pain & the pain of a baby head bouncing off my cervix all day long!

Belly button in or out? Still in, but seems like it might just pop out soon.

Wedding rings on or off? Off. Sadness.

Happy or moody most of the time? Uncomfortable

Looking forward to:  Holding my baby girl in my arms!

38 Weeks

Frustrated beyond belief! There was no change or progress from last week. Though on the plus side I gained no weight.

I feel so sore & tired from being pregnant that I'm just ready to be done. Yes, obviously I want a healthy baby, so she can bake as long as she wants, but it would be nice if she let up a little on causing me pain. I can't sleep more than a solid 2 hours a night because of hip/pelvic pain & getting up to pee 3 or more times a night.

So this Saturday Dan is taking Madison with him to go to a trapping show. Its about 2 hours away, so this Momma cannot go due to Dr's orders about how far I can go from home/hospital. So I get to spend a day all by myself doing whatever I want. Now the question is what do I want to do? Maybe nap? Veg out on the couch? Shopping? Mani/Pedi? I have time to figure it out at least.

How far along? 37 weeks 1 day

Total weight gain: 22 lbs (no gain in a week!)

Maternity clothes? Yes, since about 7 weeks

Stretch marks? I think my stretch marks have stretch marks

Linea Nigra:  Still Not yet (never had one with Madison, so...)

Sleep: Not much. Insomnia is back.

Times you Potty a Night:  3 + times a night

Best moment of the week: Flying a kite & blowing bubbles with Madison

Miss anything?  Not really

Movement: Yes, I'm getting kicked & punched daily. Hubby is finally able to feel the movement of this baby girl & now pokes & prods at her when she does kick him.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Not at all.

Cravings: Mexican Food!

Gender prediction:  Doesn't matter anymore because its a girl
Gender: GIRL

Labor signs:  Contractions - 1 cm dilated 30% effaced - no change from last week

Symptoms:  The bump in front, some sore boobs, & pregnancy insomnia & being uncomfortable

Aches & Pains:  A sore lower back from carrying the bump & a sciatic nerve pain, the hip & pelvic pain & the pain of a baby head bouncing off my cervix all day long!

Belly button in or out? Still in, but seems like it might just pop out soon.

Wedding rings on or off? Off. Sadness.

Happy or moody most of the time? Uncomfortable

Looking forward to:  Saturday all to myself!

Week 37

Today I went to my 1st weekly OB appt. We are on our way to having a baby soon. I am 1 cm dilated already. This is 3 weeks ahead of where I was with Madison! Of course 5 days after that my water broke with Madison, so lets see what happens!

I want her to be a healthy baby girl, but I'm ready for her to be here. I'm ready to hold her in my arms & kiss her little face.

How far along? 36 weeks 1 day

Total weight gain: 22 lbs

Maternity clothes? Yes, since about 7 weeks

Stretch marks? I think my stretch marks have stretch marks

Linea Nigra:  Still Not yet (never had one with Madison, so...)

Sleep: Not much. Insomnia is back.

Times you Potty a Night: 2 + times a night

Best moment of the week: Watching my first born find Easter Eggs & discover her Easter basket on Easter morning!

Miss anything?  Not really

Movement: Yes, I'm getting kicked & punched daily. Hubby is finally able to feel the movement of this baby girl & now pokes & prods at her when she does kick him.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Not at all.

Cravings: Mexican Food!

Gender prediction:  Doesn't matter anymore because its a girl
Gender: GIRL

Labor signs:  Just the daily BH contractions is all. 

Symptoms:  The bump in front, some sore boobs, & pregnancy insomnia & being uncomfortable

Aches & Pains:  A sore lower back from carrying the bump & a sciatic nerve pain, the hip & pelvic pain & the pain of a baby head bouncing off my cervix all day long!

Belly button in or out? Still in, but seems like it might just pop out soon.

Wedding rings on or off? Off. Sadness.

Happy or moody most of the time? Uncomfortable

Looking forward to:  My next OB appt on Monday & holding my new baby girl

Week 36

It seems that I have hit the miserable phase of pregnancy. Nothing, but pains. Pelvic pain & hip pain is the worst. It feels like I'm a freaking wishbone that someone is trying to split apart! Its all worth it for this little girl, just like everything I went through in my first pregnancy was worth it to have Madison. I must admit though, I am glad that this is my last pregnancy. I don't think my body could handle another pregnancy after how uncomfortable & painful this one has been.

Monday is my next OB appt & starts my weekly appts. We are so close to having this little girl in our arms. I can't believe it! Lets hope this contractions have made some progress! As I don't really want a repeat of a 20 1/2 hour labor with pitocin!

How far along? 35 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain: 21 lbs

Maternity clothes? Yes, since about 7 weeks

Stretch marks? I think my stretch marks have stretch marks

Linea Nigra:  Still Not yet (never had one with Madison, so...)

Sleep: Not much. Insomnia is back.

Times you Potty a Night: 2 + times a night

Best moment of the week: Prenatal massage, manicure & pedicure!

Miss anything?  Not really

Movement: Yes, I'm getting kicked & punched daily. Hubby is finally able to feel the movement of this baby girl & now pokes & prods at her when she does kick him.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Not at all.

Cravings: Mexican Food!

Gender prediction:  Doesn't matter anymore because its a girl
Gender: GIRL

Labor signs:  Just the daily BH contractions is all.

Symptoms:  The bump in front, some sore boobs, & pregnancy insomnia & being uncomfortable

Aches & Pains:  A sore lower back from carrying the bump & a sciatic nerve pain, the hip & pelvic pain & the pain of a baby head bouncing off my cervix all day long!

Belly button in or out? Still in, but seems like it might just pop out soon.

Wedding rings on or off? Off. Sadness.

Happy or moody most of the time? Uncomfortable

Looking forward to:  OB appointment on Monday! Time to find out how close we are to labor!

Married for 4 years

Another year of wedded bliss under our belts, which now totals 4 years! I can't believe how lucky I am to have this wonderful man in my life. 


It all started on Feb 21, 2003 when I went to meet a friend for a movie & to play some pool. Little did I know that night would lead to a wonderful relationship with this person & he would become my best friend. It was then on Jan 1, 2008 that he proposed & we were married March 21, 2009! 4 years later, we are thriving & living such a beautiful life. Never in my wildest dreams did I think life could be this good. He has made all my dreams come true. My dream wedding, my dream honeymoon, my dream of pets (Maggie & Bailey), my dream of children (Madison & baby to be), my dream to stay home with my children to raise them & my dream home that we built together this past year. He is my biggest supporter in everything & the best partner in life one could ask for. I can honestly say, I fall more in love with this husband of mine every day & I can't wait to see what each day brings with him in my life. 

Week 35

So a little over a week ago, I had to go into L&D for monitoring. This little one gave us a scare. She decided that she wasn't going to move during the time she is normally throwing a party. That was coupled with some cramping & what I thought was a little bit of leaking. Turns out baby girl was fine. The cramping was nothing as the monitor never registered a contraction. The leak was not a leak at all.

I have had what seems to be just BH contractions on a more daily basis since then. I must say I'm ecstatic with this as it means my body is getting ready for labor - something it didn't seem to do when I was pregnant with Madison, so maybe I won't need to get pitocin this time around.

Monday I had my 2 week appt. Nothing new to report there. BP is great, baby girl is doing wonderful & so am I. I go back on April 1st for my next appt & will have the Group B strep test done & my first check! Can't wait to find out if I've done any progressing!

I have also resigned myself to the fact that baby's room will not be done before she comes as the bedroom in the basement is not complete & doesn't look like it will be before she gets here. Since I have made this decision in my head & formed a plan on how to deal with it while we have guests, I feel a lot less stressed about the whole thing.& I am ok with it not being done.

I have pretty much everything ready for baby girl to come minus having my hospital bag packed (which I'm working on slowly). I also now need the glider moved into our room & some baby supplies stocked in our room for nights especially when we have guests. Other than that I'm making a few meals to put in the freezer for after baby girl is here.

The other thing we are trying to do is switch Dan's life insurance policy & possibly up his coverage due to our life changes in the last year 1/2 to 2 years. Dan's job change, our new home & now this baby girl. So I'm in the middle of researching costs, types & coverage on life insurance for him. I saw our insurance agent today to go over some of our questions & to cover what types & what we need. Now its my turn to explain it to Dan & for us to take it in & determine if what we need is really being reflected or if we need to lower or raise what the agent & I talked about what we need for coverage. There is so much I don't think we considered our first time around on doing insurance, that we probably should have. I could go on about this topic, but I won't, at least not now.

How far along? 34 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain: 121 lbs

Maternity clothes? Yes, since about 7 weeks

Stretch marks? I think my stretch marks have stretch marks

Linea Nigra:  Still Not yet (never had one with Madison, so...)

Sleep: Not much. Insomnia is back.

Times you Potty a Night: 2 + times a night

Best moment of the week: Hearing baby girl's heartbeat

Miss anything?  Not really

Movement: Yes, I'm getting kicked & punched daily. Hubby is finally able to feel the movement of this baby girl & now pokes & prods at her when she does kick him.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Not at all.

Cravings: Mexican Food!

Gender prediction:  Doesn't matter anymore because its a girl
Gender: GIRL

Labor signs:  Just the daily BH contractions is all.

Symptoms:  The bump in front, some sore boobs, & pregnancy insomnia & being uncomfortable

Aches & Pains:  A sore lower back from carrying the bump & a sciatic nerve pain, the hip & pelvic pain & the pain of a baby head bouncing off my cervix all day long!

Belly button in or out? Still in, but seems like it might just pop out soon.

Wedding rings on or off? Off. Sadness.

Happy or moody most of the time? Uncomfortable

Looking forward to:  Saturday for my prenatal massage, manicure & pedicure! Nice relaxing day!

Week 33

Sunday night I had some contractions. I assumed just the normal BH ones which usually go away pretty quick. Well, after 20 mins & they were still happening I got up to get some water because that usually makes them go away. 20 ish minutes later they seem to be getting a little more intense, so I went to take a warm shower since I had been sitting/laying through them & that wasn't stopping them. About 10-15 minutes into my warm shower they stopped totally. So no big deal.

Monday I had my appt with my OB. I told her about the night before & she confirmed that what I was feeling were contractions, but just practice ones as I got them to stop with a change of activity. She said they will be more common as my pregnancy progresses because the body tires easier. She seems very optimistic that since I didn't really have them with Madison & only went 2 days late, that I very well will not make my due date. Not that anything is 100% in that, but it seems like my body is getting ready sooner this time around, so it seems possible. My OB, then gave me the talk about contraction timing & when to go to the hospital. Of course if its before 36 weeks they will attempt to stop labor, so I have under 3 weeks until that point. I don't want it to happen before she is considered full term, but I'd take 38 or 39 weeks! I go back now in 2 weeks!

How far along? 32 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain: 19 lbs

Maternity clothes? Yes, since about 7 weeks

Stretch marks? On the stomach

Linea Nigra:  Still Not yet (never had one with Madison, so...)

Sleep: Not much. Insomnia is back.

Times you Potty a Night: 2 + times a night

Best moment of the week: Hearing baby girl's heartbeat

Miss anything?  Not really

Movement: Yes, I'm getting kicked & punched daily. Hubby is finally able to feel the movement of this baby girl & now pokes & prods at her when she does kick him.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Not at all.

Cravings: Mexican Food!

Gender prediction:  Doesn't matter anymore because its a girl
Gender: GIRL

Labor signs:  Had an hour or so worth of contractions Sunday night, but got them to go away with a warm shower.

Symptoms:  The bump in front, some sore boobs, & pregnancy insomnia & being uncomfortable

Aches & Pains:  A sore lower back from carrying the bump & a sciatic nerve pain & the pain of a baby head bouncing off my cervix all day long!

Belly button in or out? In (never popped out with Madison, so I'm curious if it will stay that way)

Wedding rings on or off? Off. Sadness.

Happy or moody most of the time? Uncomfortable

Looking forward to: Finishing off all the things that need to be done before she gets here. Oh & my massage, pedicure & manicure, but those are still a couple weeks off.

58 Days!

I'm having a little freak out moment today. Since today is the beginning of March, its dawned on me that I while have a new little baby in my arms next month! I have 58 days until my due date. We are really getting down to the wire now.

I don't feel ready. Yes, we just got the bassinet & swing set up & I've been working on getting the small things we need still plus getting all the bottles washed & ready. So we are ready in that regard, but I'm still freaking out.

My fears seem to be getting the worst of me today. I'm wondering if I'm ready for 2 kids. If I've prepared Madison enough for a sibling. If I can handle 2 children & 2 dogs by myself during the day. Can my marriage really survive another child. Do I have the energy to do this. Do I have enough room in my heart for both of my girls. Will Madison love her new sister. The fears go on & on.

I know it will all work out. We will have some ups & downs throughout our journey, but we will make it. I know it. I'm just taking a day to let it all out & then maybe I can focus on the things we need to do.

Week 31

It has been an interesting week or 2. Last week Madison had a GI bug, so we had her first throw up going on. Poor baby girl. It freaked her out so bad it wasn't funny. It made Valentine's Day kind of lame because she was still sick & Mommy & Daddy were over tired because she chose to be sick in the middle of the night 2 nights in a row.

Just when I thought we were all done with the GI bug, I got it on Sunday. My first time with more than a cold while pregnant. It was a little scary to think I could have dehydrated with that bug. Thankfully it didn't last too long for me. I was pretty much done in less than 24 hours. The hubby sent me to bed & stepped up taking care of Madison, who didn't go easy on him at all.

Monday, I got a call from my OB's office saying that I failed the 1 hour glucose test & had to go in & take the 3 hour. Well, I did that today, so now we are just awaiting the results to find out if they are going to tell me if I passed or if I failed & need a new diet. I really hope I passed, but part of me wants to fail so my insurance has to pay for me to see a nutritionist, although I want my chocolate & bread! So torn! Really though I don't want to be told I have gestational diabetes.

How far along? 30 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain: 16 lbs

Maternity clothes? Yes, since about 7 weeks

Stretch marks? On the stomach

Linea Nigra:  Still Not yet (never had one with Madison, so...)

Sleep: Not much. Insomnia is back.

Times you Potty a Night: 2 + times a night

Best moment of the week: Snuggling on the couch with my hubby & Madison

Miss anything?  Not really

Movement: Yes, I'm getting kicked & punched daily. Hubby is finally able to feel the movement of this baby girl & now pokes & prods at her when she does kick him.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Not at all.

Cravings: Mexican Food!

Gender prediction:  Doesn't matter anymore because its a girl
Gender: GIRL

Labor signs:  No. Just some Braxton Hicks every now & again

Symptoms:  The bump in front, some sore boobs, & pregnancy insomnia & being uncomfortable

Aches & Pains:  A sore lower back from carrying the bump & a sciatic nerve pain

Belly button in or out? In (never popped out with Madison, so I'm curious if it will stay that way)

Wedding rings on or off? Off. Sadness.

Happy or moody most of the time? Uncomfortable & more moody than happy lately (might have something to do with a toddler acting out)

Looking forward to: Finishing off all the things that need to be done before she gets here. Oh & my massage, pedicure & manicure, but those aren't until the end of March!

I passed! I rocked the 3 hour glucose test. Not one of my 4 blood draws were elevated! Take that Gestational Diabetes! My poor arms look like hell from all the blood draws. 

Week 29

Last week was fun with making my last visit (unless I can con my husband into going some weekend) to my parents before this little girl shows her face.

I got to see a friend who had moved across country, but recently moved back along with her 2 girls. We took the kids to Jump Zone (a bounce house place). It took an hour before we were able to get Madison into a bounce house without freaking out & then we couldn't get her out of them!

Madison & I made a trip up to WI to see my bff & her family to exchange Christmas presents for the kids as her son was sick over our Christmas trip! Of course I forgot to bring the presents! Stupid pregnancy brain, but I did ship them to her. They should be arriving today. It was nice to be able to see her, her son, & her parents. They are family to me as we have known each other from 22 + years!

Obviously we spent time with my parents too. Not as much as we would normally as they are doing a lot of work on their house in preparation to sell it.

As excited as I am about this new baby girl, I am also sad that I will more than likely not see a lot of my friends & family until after this little one is born since they are 4 hours away.

How far along? 28 weeks 4 day

Total weight gain: 16 lbs

Maternity clothes? Yes, since about 7 weeks

Stretch marks? On the stomach

Linea Nigra:  Still Not yet (never had one with Madison, so...)

Sleep: Not much. Insomnia is back.

Times you Potty a Night: 2 + times a night

Best moment of the week: Having Madison behave so well that we got to watch a movie before bedtime & snuggle! Also, putting together my double stroller!

Miss anything?  Not really

Movement: Yes, I'm getting kicked & punched daily. Hubby is finally able to feel the movement of this baby girl & now pokes & prods at her when she does kick him.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Not at all.

Cravings: Mexican Food!

Gender prediction:  Doesn't matter anymore because its a girl
Gender: GIRL

Labor signs:  No. Just some Braxton Hicks every now & again

Symptoms:  The bump in front, some sore boobs, & pregnancy insomnia & being uncomfortable

Aches & Pains:  A sore lower back from carrying the bump & a sciatic nerve pain

Belly button in or out? In (never popped out with Madison, so I'm curious if it will stay that way)

Wedding rings on or off? Had to remove them yesterday. They were way too tight. I'm so sad!

Happy or moody most of the time? Uncomfortable & more moody than happy lately (might have something to do with a toddler acting out)

Looking forward to: Finishing off all the things that need to be done before she gets here. Oh & my massage, pedicure & manicure, but those aren't until the end of March!