Busy!

Its been a month since I blogged. Its been a busy month. We had a lot of Christmas celebrating to do. We spent about 10 days  in IL visiting family and friends. We did our yearly cookie day with my friend and her family. We had such a blast! Madison had fun playing with Mathew. She would not let him out of her sight. It was so very adorable. If he left, she would call him and go get him and drag him back.

I got a day of adult time. My mom took Madison for the day and I went with Roberta to the spa for facials & massages. We then went to lunch and did a little bit of shopping. It was so nice. I don't remember the last time I had a day like that.

Madison and I were then given a covert mission to get Papaw's gift inside the house and wrapped without him knowing it. We were very successful.

We had lots of family time Thursday thru Saturday morning as my brother and his family were staying with our parents while we were there too! It was great fun watching Madison get to play with her cousins. We celebrated Christmas with them Saturday morning. Then Dan arrived around noon and we were off to go see Roberta and family to do Christmas with them. It was full of good food, great people, fun times, some tears & awesome gifts.

Then there was Christmas day! Oh the best day of all. It was nice to have our family together to celebrate. Madison got tons of gifts and she loves all of them! My favorite gift of all was that my husband didn't have to work the next day and got to stay with us for another night!

We drove home the day after Christmas and have been busy ever since. I think this may be the first time I've sat down for an extended period all week. I have taken down Christmas and made a lot of meals for the week and for freezing.

Madison had her 18 month well baby. She received 4 shots, but now we don't need any more until she is 4! The Dr confirmed what we already knew. That Madison is a tall skinny girl! 33 inches tall & 21 lbs! Other than having a cold she is healthy!

Looking forward to our last Christmas celebration tomorrow with Dan's family! Ringing in the New Year with them as well.

Tired & Crazy

So we just got Madison back to sleeping at night and then all of a sudden Wednesday night she was up for hours and ended up in bed with us because we needed sleep so we could drive 5 hours to Michigan for Thanksgiving with Dan's family.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays because the whole family gets together. We have always had Thanksgiving with my family. This was the first year we did not see my family. My parents had gone to Bama to see my dad's family and well this was the first year Dan's brother hosted Thanksgiving plus the first year Dan was not in Chicago for work. We got to see Dan's brother's new house and see his whole family. We had a big slumber party at their house. It was fun. We took the dogs and they played with and hung out with their dogs. I'm not sure who had more fun and enjoyed it more the dogs or us.

Friday morning we figured out why Madison wasn't sleeping well. She popped another tooth through! Yep more teeth. We drove home on Friday and didn't do much after we got there. Madison still wasn't sleeping well.

Dan got up and went to hunt Saturday morning & Madison and I just lounged around as we didn't get much sleep plus it seems as though Madison had caught a cold. We did go out to lunch when he got home and we just started making the house look a little like Christmas. Madison enjoys that there is a light up Santa on the front porch.  She didn't sleep very well  Saturday night either and because we didn't have the guest bed put together, I slept on the couch because my shoulder, neck & back could not take having her all over me again, so Dan slept with her and skipped hunting. I still barely got any sleep because its not a comfy sofa to sleep on plus I can hear the dogs in their crates! Then Maggie decided that at 5:30 am she needed to go out and eat.

Finally Sunday night I got Madison to sleep in her bed. She woke once in the night and I had to soothe her and sit by her crib. Then the last 2 nights She woke up crying and once each but within 5 mins I got her calmed and asleep again. Now if I can just get her nose to stop running we would be doing great.

Well, we have lots to do between now and Christmas and then even more to do after Christmas. This is going to be interesting. I have to finish making it Christmas in the house, we have a few more presents to get and everything still needs to be wrapped. Plus there is packing to go to my mom's and Cookies to be made for Cookie Day! OH, we still need to take Madison to see Santa! Can't wait for that! Many, many adventures to be had over this Christmas season!

Hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!

Random Things

There isn't too much to report. Madison and I spent 5 days at my parents while the hubby did his yearly fishing trip to MN. We had a blast. We hung out with them and I got to see a couple of friends back home. It was really nice.

Halloween snuck up on us pretty quickly. We took Madison to 8 houses- 6 in our neighborhood and then a friend's house and then to my SIL's house. Madison was a cute little Zebra. A nice warm costume for a semi-chilly night. She didn't understand what was going on at first but after our first neighbor dropped some candy in her bucket, I guess a light went on her head. Since she can't say trick or treat yet, she held the bucket out and said "agh, agh" I tell you every time she did it the person would drop more candy in her bucket. So she made out and probably got about 3 or 4 pieces per house! She did always say "thank you" as I turned her around to walk her away. Our friends & my SIL had a "goody" bag ready for her with gold fish & animal crackers instead of candy. This is nice since I try not to give her a lot of sweets.

We are still waiting to hear about our plans for the house. The real estate agent is coming here next week to look at our place and make suggestions as to what we should do to get the house ready for sale. I really want to get it on the market in Feb. I'd rather sell it and have to find temporary living arrangements than to try to carry 2 mortgages.

Its hunting season now, so I am a hunting widow on the weekends. Kind of sucks, but without it hubby would not be a happy guy. Plus lets face it, he works hard for us, so he deserves to play hard too.

I will be putting my Christmas tree up in about a week. I know, I know, way too early! I usually don't do it until the weekend after Thanksgiving, but I want to get Madison's picture in front of the tree this year for our Christmas cards & I am going to attempt to do this all on my own, so I need extra time in case I screw it up and need to do it again.Of course since the tree is going up, I'm sure I'll get the bug to put it all up. Oh, well!

I need to get going and finish my cleaning as my parents are coming to visit!

Starting to feel it already!

I'm so excited! We are going to build our house this spring! I cannot wait! There will be so much to do. We have our builder and our basic floor plan, but there are some tweeks that the builder is making for us on the plan so we are waiting now for him to get the plan itself re-done so we can approve that and move forward.

So I have to start looking at flooring, tile, appliances, stone, cabinets, lighting, etc. to figure out what I want and of course what we can do in our price range. This is very exciting but also very nerve wrecking. We will also need to get our house ready to go up on the market. We will be listing in February, if I have anything to say about it.

We have a long road ahead of us to get to the ground breaking point but we will be there this Spring! So by this time next year I will be sitting in my new home!

Things are coming together

Since my last blog, Madison has decided to sleep through the night again. Although for a few days she was getting up at 6:30 instead of her normal 7:00 am, but we are now back at 7am! Woohoo! Dan is settling into his new job and coming home every night. Its starting to not feel so weird having him home all the time too.

We've had a pretty busy week this week. We spent Tuesday morning with my friend Jill, her daughter and the 2 boys that she watches. Madison had a blast playing with the kids. She is usually very standoff-ish with kids, but she just dove right in a played. I had a good time catching up with Jill and playing with the kids as well.

Wednesday, we went to the dealership to get an oil change done on my truck. Come to find out they need to drop the gas tank in my truck to look at the fuel sensor again as my gas gauge isn't reading full when it is. So I get to go sit at the dealership for 3 hours on Saturday!

Today I went to spend some time at the bank, while Madison played with her Aunt. We have been talking about building a house forever well, we are moving forward and have an estimate and no a pre-approval! Woohoo! We need to discuss our next steps and then fill in our builder and our realtor. So things look like they are going to get pretty busy around here for me with picking out stuff for the new place and getting this one ready for market. I can't wait!

Madison seemed to have had a blast with her Aunt today as I came home to almost every toy out of her toy box and the 2 of them sitting on the floor playing with all of them!

We are also ready for Halloween! Madison has her costume. She is going to be a Zebra!

We are also working on a new routine/schedule for Madison as she keeps trying to skip her afternoon nap. So I'm trying to ditch the morning nap and keep the afternoon one. So far so good.

How are things?

Things are going pretty good here. Better than I imagined they would since Dan is now home. I really pictured us bickering and fighting for the first few weeks or so of him being home every night as we got use to being around each other all the time again. Its really been quite the obvious. He doesn't mind coming home to find the house with toys strewn all over from a good day of playing with Madison! He actually has told me that I don't have to cook as often as I have been and said I could make easier meals (boxed/mac n cheese type instead of the stew/soup/roasts I have been making). I have, honestly, enjoyed being able to cook big meals!

Madison has really been the problem, well more like Madison's sleeping has been our problem. She's been waking at least once a night lately. We can't really find the problem to make it better, so we are just hoping it stops soon. It actually started the night before Dan started his new job. I had hoped that she would realize Daddy was home every night and that would end it. Oh well, She is at least falling back asleep sooner and easier than she really was.

The Air Smells of Change

I guess my blog title could really stand for two things. The first being the fact that today is the last day of Summer and tomorrow brings on Fall! My favorite time of the year. However, I am more eluding to the fact that things are changing for my little family and for the better.

My husband gave notice at work last week and today is his last day there. This is huge for us! With his job he traveled Monday through Friday, so we only saw him on the weekends and I pretty much became a single mom during the week. Now, he is starting a new job on Monday. The job is 20 mins from home and he will be home everyday!

There is going to be a huge adjustment for us all. For us to have him home and for him to be home. I'm sure there will be lots of tripping over each other and him trying to figure out where everything goes now. Plus there will be lots more time for us all to spend time with each other. OOOO... and I get some me time too! The fun part here is that since my husband bought our townhouse (before we met) I don't think he has spent more than a week there at a time!

I wonder if he will get the itch to go places since he won't be traveling like he was.

Well, stay tuned for more fun things!

State Fair

Oh my! I never posted about the State Fair! We had so much fun with Madison there! We went on a Monday and stayed over at a hotel so we could go back on Tuesday. It was a blast.

We went to the fair and upon getting there we went into the DNR building to see what they had. They had a bunch of fish tanks set up for the different fish in different types of water. Madison kept pointing and saying "that" She loved the fish. Then outside they had a little pond with some ducks, geese and what looked like swans (I'm not sure if they really were). Madison just loves to see animals.

We were walking over to the animal barns and there was a big crowd gathered because someone was stuck on a ride. A ride that you had to pay an extra $25 to ride. I sure hope they got their money back! Seeing how they had to be put in harness and brought down by a lift after being up there for 2 hours!

We stopped to see somethings along the way, but we eventually got to the sheep barn where Madison laughed as she watched one being shaved. She squealed when the "baaahhed" From there we went into the cow barn where she was very interested in the cows and calfs, but what really got her attention was the Moose they had in there. I swear Dan was itching to get a Bow in his hand and shoot it! They also had the biggest pigs in there too plus a few horses. We then went into the Horse Barn. Madison found the mini horses very funny. I was holding her and she would grab onto the bars of the stall to look in and laugh and squeal at the little horses. She really squealled when one of them lifted there nose up at her and tried to lick her through the bars. It was just a ton of funny watching her.

We had dinner after the horse barn. Some really good food. I had a steak sandwich, Dan had a porkchop sandwich & Madison had pork on a stick. All really good!

We then walked  around a little while and stopped into the building that they show all the animals in. We watched as the 4-H kids showed cows. Madison was having a good ol' time. As everyone was leaving she said hi to them as they walked by. She laughed at a little boy (about 9ish) jumped from the top of the stairs down into the dirt and slide. He enjoyed entertaining her enough that he did it at least 3 more times! Everyone who walked by told me how cute she was.

After that we walked down to see the Butter Cow. Its interesting what you can do with butter. There was a ton of detail in it too!

We left the fair at about 7 or so to go check into the hotel. Madison decided to stay up late and play in her pack and play. We woke up early thinking we would head to the fair early since we had to drive back that afternoon, well that was ruined because when we woke up it was storming! So we took our time getting ready and having breakfast at the hotel. We probably made it back to the fair around 10 am. We went straight to get a caricature of Madison. I sat and held her while it was done. It turned out really cute!

We went down to the Little Hands on the Farm Exhibit. It was really cute. Its for kids 2-10 and simulates what you would do on a farm. They get a hat which they get to keep and they wear an apron, walk around with a basket and "pick veggies" (fake from baskets), harvest corn & soybeans, milk a cow after feeding it the corn that was harvested, use a tractor (pedal tractor) after fueling it with soybeans, get eggs from chickens, pick apples, & sell everything at the farmers market. At the point they sell everything they gave the kids a fake dollar which they got to use to buy something at the general store. Madison picked out a bag of mini chocolate chip muffins. A snack for the baby!

We then walked into the Born Barn. It was really animals pregnant or just had babies. Some actually had their babies throughout the fair in this barn. If you waited around long enough you could see piglets, calfs, baby goats being born & chicks hatching. Madison loved watching all the little chicks running around chasing each other. We even petted a calf. It licked me too!

The highlight of Madison's day was meeting Clifford the Big Red Dog! Oh my the excitement that she had at seeing him was like a dog welcoming you home after 12 hours! I put her down so she could walk up to him. She walked about 1/2 way and then stopped because he stood up and it scared her how big he was. So he crouched back down and she walked the rest of the way to him and gave him a high five. This was pretty much the end of the day for her. She fell asleep and we left shortly after.

New stuff

There is so much new going on, some of which I cannot talk about at this time, but hope to be able to soon. Lets just say its all good, no I'm not pregnant (I'm sure someone is thinking that) and it could make my life super busy for a while!

In other news. Miss Madison is walking around more, but still prefers to scoot around on her butt. Its really a matter of her confidence and her wanting to at this point. She is saying more words. Mama, Daddy, Baby, fishy, Memaw, Hi, Bye, That.... I know there are more, but can't think of them right now. She has 4 more teeth coming in, 3 of which are molars, so she will have 12 teeth soon! According to the Pedi we should get a break soon!

We went to the pedi today because Madison has had some red bumps under her left eye. Its overgrowth of bacteria on the skin. Nothing really to do unless its bothering her at which point they will prescribe an antibiotic.Since we went today, they weighed her and she is up to 20 1/2 inches. Very fun! She is getting so big.

Ok, got to run and get some sleep since I got none last night due to my allergies!

Worst Day Ever

Today was just awful with bits of good. Well, I woke up with a sore throat (had since Monday) but now my ear was aching too. So I called the Dr and went in to see her. Turns out I have strep. So now that I had strep it was time to call the pedi to have Madison checked for strep as well. We went into the pedi and she looked at her throat, it was red so they did the strep test. She hated it, but was fine with in seconds afterward. We sat on the floor and played until the Dr came in to tell us she was negative. Woohoo!

We went home and started to play. We were having fun. We then went down to take Maggie out and to feed her. Well, Mommy forgot to close the basement door after Maggie came up from eating. Madison had disappeared quickly, so I went to look for her in her favorite place, the kitchen in front of the cookbook shelf. She was not there so I yelled for her and next thing I knew I heard her tumbling down the stairs and crying. I ran down and picked her up. She looked ok, but I was freaking out. First thing I did was call my mom to see if I needed to get her looked at. She told me to call the pedi and find out for sure because you never know. Madison would not let me put her down even after I had her calmed for a while. Well, they said to bring her over to the office because they didn't close until 8 pm. I did just that freaking out the whole time.I had called Dan as I was getting ready to walk out there door, so he knew what was going on. I had given Madison her cup of milk in the truck on our way too. I had to call Roberta to help keep me calm on my way there because I seriously just wanted to cry. I felt awful, like I was a horrible mother. Everyone told me I wasn't and that accidents happen, but I had been so careful to make sure things like this didn't happen, but it did.

We got to the Dr's office (not that same office as we usually go to) and it was our Dr that was there because she is oncall tonight! Sweet! The nurses and Dr were so sweet to reassure me over and over that I was not a bad parent that accidents happen and that Madison was fine. They asked me all sorts of questions to make sure that Madison hadn't lost conciousness or thrown up at all. The Dr checked her out to make sure she had no cuts, and no broken bones. Which she didn't. She had a red mark on the top of  her head, so the Dr said that she would probably have a goose egg and it would look worse in the morning but not to worry, since she hadn't lost conciousness and hadn't thrown up she didn't think she had a concussion, but suggested that I check on her around midnight to make sure she stirred.

Madison left there a happy girl. She loved that office with the fish on the wall, the fish tank and all the neat toys!

We came home and I got her something to eat and we played for a little while. She started getting cranky & tired and just wanted to sit in my lap. Well she kept trying to put her finger in my mouth so I growled at her and pretended to bite her. This got Maggie barking, which turned into Madison growling at Maggie! It was hilarious! I so wish I could have gotten that on camera. Anyway, I promised her that I would get her when I went to bed and she could sleep with mommy tonight. Honestly, I just want her close, because I'm a worry, so I know its early, but off to bed so I can snuggle my baby girl.

Update from the past few weeks

Its been an interesting few weeks.

After we got back from camping, Madison started getting "spots." It was a normal reaction to her MMR shot she got the Friday before we left for camping. The Dr had warned me that they could show up between 9-14 days after the shot and sure enough she got them in that time frame. Glad a had gotten that warning before it happened, otherwise I would have freaked out!

Then Mr. Bailey decided to have diarhea really bad. He was so under the weather that he was not acting normal at all. He wasn't excited to go for a ride when we went to the vet or even excited to go out like he normally is. He usually runs around like a freak for a little while before he decides its time to go back in. The vet said he had a fever and found nothing in the sample we brought her. So from the way he was acting she did a full blood work up and was tempted to keep him because she was worried about him. She did let him come home and gave me anti-poop meds & an antibiotic to be on the safe side. She called the next day saying that he was healthy as a horse except for a white cell count that was up indicating a parasite, so we did a round of de-worming to be on the safe side. She also recommended that we start Bailey on Fish oil.

Once we got everyone healthy and happy again it was easy sailing!

This past Friday we took Madison to her first race! Hawkeye Downs had a thing with a local radio station and all we had to do was pick up tickets at the radio station and we got in free. Now Madison has not been one for afternoon naps lately and she had skipped her afternoon nap that day, but she still made it until 9 pm before getting to cranky to stay at the track. We got to watch all the heat races, but we missed the features. She really enjoyed herself. I think we will be taking her again soon, but instead of sitting in the stands we are going to sit on the "party deck" so she has some room to stand, walk and play.

Saturday we went to the farmers market in the morning and had breakfast there plus got some really yummy veggies while Daddy went to go get his hair cut. Madison napped when we got home, so I finished painting her rocking chair. All thats left on that is putting a clear coat on it! In the afternoon we went to Solon Beef Days and had some lunch. We watched some Big Wheel Races, a Baggo Tournament & enjoyed some live music. Madison danced up a storm. It was so hot that on our way home we stopped for some ice cream. I think we wore out Madison that day.

Sunday was our low key day. I made some homemade pizzas for us and we went for a walk to get frozen yogurt only to find out that the frozen yogurt shop was closed. Of course we got in the truck and went for ice cream instead!

The exciting thing is Madison has started walking on her own. Its not much, but its something. We got at least 10 steps out of her before she leans forward to fall. She is getting better about her balance and is trying to sit down before she falls now.

Oh, Bailey has been calming down enough that he has been up to play with Madison a few times too. Its nice to see that he can be trusted with her. I was beginning to think it was a lost cause. I still don't trust him as much as I trust Maggie with her, but I'm sure it will come with time.

Well, I should go as Madison is looking out the window with Maggie and trying to destroy my new blinds! God, I love my kid!

We're Back!

Oh my! That was a fun time! I can't believe I was ever worried about it. Madison was such a good girl. We left Thursday to drive up. What was a 5 hour drive ended up to be more like a 6 1/2 hour drive since we stopped for lunch and then had to make a poopy diaper stop! Madison only slept about an hour of our drive. She never took an afternoon nap either. She went to bed late and then ended up on the air matress with us at 4 am and up for the day at 5:30 on Friday.

It was a long Friday! It was so hot. We went tubing down the river. Tons of fun! Madison hated her life jacket, so since she was sitting with me I took it off her. I know bad mommy! I've been down the river many, many times, so I know the way it is and know that there was nothing horrible coming up. I will say though that that was the only time she went down the river. We got back to the camp site and Madison fought a morning nap and then I realized it was lunch time and the poor baby was hungry, so I fed her and then tried to nap again. Napping worked! She slept for about an hour and a half. After her nap, my friend's mom, kept Madison so I could tube down the river with Dan, Roberta & Al! It was a nice little tubing experience. Hot as all hell, but nice since my butt was in a cold river, but when we got out, oh my did the heat hit me!  We had steaks, baked potato & corn on the cob for dinner. It was way too hot to sit around the fire that night so we just sat in a circle and talked.

It was another late night for Madison and she ended up on the air matress with us again at 5 am this time and we got to sleep until 6:00 am! 6 was just too early considering a wind storm hit at midnight causing us to be awake and securing everything in cars and taking the canopy apart because the wind was lifting it up off the ground. We were in the camper checking out the weather because a storm was suppose to be heading our way. We got the wind, but the storm dissipated before hitting us.

We had decided ahead of time not to tube down the river on Saturday because it was going to be ridiculous! Boy, did we make the right decision. They had a record of 2752 people that went down the river that day. The lines for the bus were so long that they were standing in the river waiting to get on the bus. Most tubers paid $11 for 1 trip down the river because of how long they had to wait in line to get on the bus. Not only that but now there was a bunch of drunken tubers littering the campground. Our site was across from the parking lot. Lots of fun there. I yelled at some drunk girl to get off of Roberta's car. Yep, she was sitting her butt right on the car along with her beer can. Because of this, Roberta and I got into it with some stupid boys who called us beached whales to security and threatened to bash in our car windows and other stuff. Well, we had a little chat with one of the owners and pointed these boys out to her (they were in the bar). She siad she would check their ID's and if they were of age she had no right to kick them out, but if they were not she would kick them out and off the campground. We went back to our site and move cars around. Within about 10 minutes the boys were at their car and taking off, so apparently the boys were under age drinking at the bar. Makes you go Hmmm.... How many others are under age in there? Oh, well! Saturday night we had BBQ Ribs and Peppers for dinner. Man, did we eat like Kings! We did our normal smores & pies over the fire and hung out there for a while. Madison stayed up long enough to eat a graham cracker while watching the fire.

Again, Madison ended up on the air matress with us. Baby girl just could sleep a full night in her pack n play in the tent. Can't blame her the birds get loud that early! Sunday we had to do our campsite break down. When we were all loaded up and ready to go, my wonderful truck wouldn't start, yet it had just started the night before when we moved it. We don't have any idea why, but we got jumpstarted and were on our way to breakfast in town. Breakfast at Bucky's, our camping staple! Then to get gas, the whole time we had Roberta and her parents around in case the truck wouldn't start again. It did though. Never turned it off after that until we got home. 5 1/2 hours later! Madison slept for a lot longer. She had barely taken any naps while we were camping and only slept about 8 hours to her normal 11, but never did she get totally cranky or crabby. She was the most pleasant baby ever.

So we spent our 4th of July, grocery shopping, doing laundry (lots of it), cleaning up the house, & a bunch of other miscellaneous things around the house. We never saw fireworks, though we heard them. Madison basically went right back to her normal routine once we got home, except getting up an hour earlier than normal. Hopefully that will come back quickly too!


Saturday we left for just chilling out

Getting ready!

We are getting ready for Madison's first vacation. We are going camping. It should be a ton of fun. Her first vacation, her first camping trip, her first time tubing down the river! This is going to be great! Thought its starting to stress me out! What if she gets sick while we are there? What if it rains or storms (we are tent camping)? What if I forget something? Oh may! See what I mean? I'm sure I'm over thinking this whole thing, but its our first camping trip as a family.

We are also in the process of re-doing our wills, since Madison came on the scene. We should have done this months ago, but things got in the way. Let me tell you these questionaires that they sent us to do them can get so confusing especially when dealing with a minor child & possible future children. I had to call and ask the lawyer questions about where to put information regarding a trust we want to the inheritance money to go into and the details for it. I was told that I needed to write it on a separate sheet of  paper. She didn't understand why they don't make room for it on the questionaire either.

1 Year Old

I cannot believe my little baby is 1 year old. Today is the day! It was 2 am June 16th when my water broke and I had to make the call to my husband and mother. Running around spending my 45 mins at home by myself taking the dogs out and finishing packing my bag for the hospital. I think I went through 3 pairs of sweat pants before I left for the hospital.

We were there a long time before Madison decided to make her arrival into this world. I cannot tell you how close I was to losing my baby girl when she was born because I'm not sure. She was not moving much at all while I was in labor. They started me on pitocin within an hour or so of getting to the hospital because my contractions weren't very good. I, honestly didn't start progressing until I got pain killers about 14 hours after my water broke. At this time I was waiting for my epidural because my second shot of nubain didn't do me a damn bit of good.

They were making me wear an oxygen mask because Madison wasn't moving much. It was making me sick and all they would tell me was that I would get use to it. It wasn't until Madison made her grand entrance that they figured out why she wasn't moving. As soon as her head was out I was yelled at not just told to stop pushing, which I stopped, but Madison just popped out. I was yelled at because Madison's cord was wrapped around her neck two times, but they didn't want to freak me out so no one said anything to me until she was in my arms. I'm so glad that they didn't tell me before then.

I believe it all lined up just right to keep my baby girl with me. 

I don't have any stats on her as we don't go back to the pediatrician until next week Friday, but she is talking up a storm, mostly made up words but we do hear the following

Utoh!
Hi
Here
That
Mama
Dada
Baba
Cat (don't know why, we have dogs!)

She can stand by herself but she freaks out when she does it. She pulls up on everything and can sit back down, she walks around holding on to furniture. She is still a good sleeper for bedtime and naps! *crosses fingers this never changes* She never did crawl but scoots on her butt everywhere!

Happy 1st Birthday my little Madison! I love you more than anything in the world and wouldn't trade you for anything.

The big day is tomorrow!

Wow, oh wow! A year ago yesterday was my due date, which means a year ago today was when my hubby decided to go to work (driving all the way to Chicago and I told him to leave Bailey behind because I didn't think he would be gone long. Boy I didn't know how right I was going to be! He reached the office at noon, which meant he only had 14 hours (2 am) before I called to tell him my water broke!

This day last year, I felt that I needed to get everything done and my bag for the hospital ready. Its like all of a sudden my body knew something was going to happen, but wouldn't tell me when. I rushed around the house like a crazy person, so my parents would come over to a messy place and I wouldn't have to come home to a messy house. I got laundry done to pack my comfy pants for the hospital. The only thing I didn't get done was grocery shopping.

I had called my mom and told her that I just felt the need to get everything done. Her comment to me was, "It won't be long now." I guess I thought I had a few more days thought. Someone had other ideas though! I don't remember feeling Madison moving that day, but maybe I was way too into getting everything done.

Tomorrow is the day my baby turns 1, so I'll save the rest until then!

11 Months

Today is a tad bit sad because today is the last month-a-versary before Madison turns one. I can't believe how fast time has gone by. It seems like just yesterday I had that big ol' baby belly, waiting for my little girl to make her appearance and now she 29" tall and about 20 lbs, has a full head of blonde curly hair, and 6 teeth  with more on the way!

She's walking while holding on to the coffee table or my fingers. She's scooting on her little butt across the floor. Has a fit if you try to make her crawl! She is eating table food and holding her own bottle. She won't let me hold her while she drinks her bottle most of the time. She has started to hand me the bottle when she is done or grabs the cap and trys to cap the bottle.

For being so little, her personality is so big! She gets shy around people she doesn't know or hasn't seen in a while. However, when she is around people she knows or she gets use to the ones she doesn't, she is loud! She talks, babbles, screams, uses that wonderful "monster" voice as loud or as soft as she wants! Its a wonderful sound! She gets mad if she wants something that I won't let her have, like, my phone. If she gets upset enough she gives me the "business" which is her talking to me but in a "your a mean momma kind of way." Kind of like when a teenager yells something and then slams a door. LOL!

All the changes in her and the new stuff she learns is just so fun to watch! I can't wait to see what this next month brings!

Motherhood can be disgusting!

There are things I realized that I would probably do when I became a mother that I thought were disgusting before having children. Changing poopy diapers a definite, but I'm talking about the stuff that isn't always a given. Like wiping snot from my kids nose and then wiping it on my pants because there is nothing near me to get rid of it. Other things like eating a sucker that my kid just sucked on for 5 mins before deciding she doesn't like it (hasn't happened yet, but I've been told it will.

The most disgusting of all I had to do today. I had to help my daughter take a poop! Yep I was changing her diaper and she was having a hissy fit, turns out she was trying to poop big huge balls of poop! It wouldn't come out so Mommy had to help. I know gross!

Bewarned! If you don't have kids yet, when you do, you will do disgusting things to help their comfort!

Do you believe?

In spirits? No, not the alcoholic kind! Spirits, ghosts or whatever you want to call it. Do you think our loved ones leave us when they die? Or do you think their spirit hangs out here? Or do they go to heaven and come visit us on important days and days we need them the most?

I believe they get to go to heaven and come visit us when we need them or when look down on us on important days.  So what got me thinking about this? Well, it was, honestly my daughter. She was smiling and laughing after her bath while staring up at this yarn Octopus my Great Grandmother (Nanny) made me shortly before she passed away.

I don't know how to explain somethings that have happened in my life other than to believe she was there or watching over me and my family. The day she died, I was home sick from school. I will never forget it. I called my mom, who was working (yeah, I was sick and home alone). I told my mom something was wrong with Grandma or Nanny. I could just feel it in my gut. Mom, who already knew that Nanny had passed, lied to me. She told me that everyone was fine and that she had just spoken to Grandma and they were going to see Nanny after she got off work. When Mom got home that night she pulled my brother and I into my room where I was laying down and told us that Nanny had passed away. How would an 11 year old girl know this? I feel like she was there with me after she passed. I know, weird.

About 6 months or so later, my mom and dad got married in our backyard. It was a gloomy day, but as they stood under the tree reciting their vows the clouds opened up and allowed the sun to shine through. The minute the ceremony was over, it started pouring rain. Call it a coincidence, but I think Nanny was there too watch and cried as my mom married the man she was meant to be with.

Then 2 years ago for my wedding. All the way up to the day, the weather man was calling for cold, snow or rain depending on the day. My photographer told me she would bring a backdrop just in case. I told her we didn't need it that it would be beautiful wonderful weather because my Nanny would be there to watch over me and see me get married.  Even the morning of the wedding, they were still calling for rain and chilly. It turned out to be a beautiful warm sunny day. I'm talking it was in the 60's, not a cloud in the sky.

Lastly, the day my little girl was born. My Nanny was there too. Madison had the cord wrapped around her neck twice when she was born, but she was perfect and we had no worries. The nurses kept putting oxygen on me because she wasn't moving much at all. At much as their precautions worried me, I truely felt calm throughout my whole labor and I believe it was because Nanny was with me.

So what do you believe?

The Joys of Going Home

Home, as in the place where I grew up.  I love going to see my parents and watching the joy on my mom's face as she takes Madison out of my arms once Madison is released from her carseat. At least she gave me a quick hug and kiss before wisking my baby into the house for some play time! My dad's expression as he looks at the truck loaded up of stuff and always says "what are you moving in?" I love that my mom takes on all the duties of baby because she just wants as much time with Madison as possible. I don't blame her at all.

The problem I have when going home, isn't anyone or any place in particular. Its that as I drive the familiar roads all these memories come flooding back. Most are good memories, some are bad. What do these memories have to say about me?

The one that came back to me the strongest this time was of an ex boyfriend, more specifically my first love. He was a good guy until he wasn't, but that's not the point. Anyway. I was a freshman in college during spring semester. He came to NIU to surprise me. I just remember getting off the elevator and him standing there with a rose for me. It was a great surprise. I don't know if it was the same time, but this came back to me too. It was Easter weekend and he came to pick me up, brought me back to our hometown and I stayed the weekend with him at his parents house. I loved his family, like they were my own. If I had known then what I know now, I would have gone with them to church that Sunday morning. His mom gave me a glass bunny candle holder that Easter. It was one of the sweetest things. I think I still have it packed away in a box of all my candle stuff.

Another memory that came back was Friday night bowling! It feels like we went every Friday night for the longest time. Whenever I came back from college, my friend Christine and I would spend Friday night at the bowling alley. It was the place to go to see almost everyone we went to high school with!

Then the Christmas break memory. Oh god! I was so in love with him then. I ran into the first love at a pool hall, when I was out with another guy. That other guy went out to the car and I was saying bye to our friends and when I started walking out this pool cue stopped me. As I turned to see who it was, I couldn't catch my breathe. It had always been that way with him. It was him and the beginning of us getting back together.

9 months and counting!

As my sweet little girl rests her sleepy head in her crib tonight, I am thinking back to the day of her birth. I don't know if its just the fact that she is 9 months old today, or maybe I long for the days of her being so tiny. How crazy that day was. I always knew deep down that I was going to be going in to the hospital in the middle of the night. She didn't disappoint has I had to call my husband at 2 am to tell him my water broke and have him and my mom drive 3 1/2 hours here so early only to have to wait until late that night to have her come into the world.

Yep, she has always done everything in her own time. Roll over, sure, but then I won't do it but a handful of times until I'm 8 months old. Teeth? Sure I'll get 2 at a time then wait 3 months to get 2 more! Crawl? No thanks, I can scoot around on my butt! Sleep?! Only when I want to and not when you want or need me to! 

She is definitely my daughter. She is already showing a wonderful personality and oh boy is it a big one! As we learned at her 9 month pictures about a week and a half ago. She's starting to show her independence when she plays and doesn't want anyone near her or her toys, though she can share if she is feeling in the mood to let you play.

She is smart. I bought her a little baby rocking chair. I sat her in it and the first thing she did was rock the chair! I never showed her thats what the chair does. She loves to stand. You can hold your hands out and she will grab them and pull herself to a stand. She's even pulled herself up using the coffee table. She would rather stand there for hours than sit and play with her toys...unless Maggie is right there because she loves Maggie!

I'm in awe at how much a 9 month old baby knows and does! Its crazy!

Can Time Move a Little Slower?

Its not that I don't want my little girl to grow up, because I do and I look forward to all the wonderful things I'll get to watch her do. All I want is for time to move a little slower so I can revel in all of her milestones. Just last night she scooted herself on her butt over to the coffee table and tried to pull herself up. She almost had it too, but her feet were too far under the table. I love that I got to be here to cheer her on and encourage her. When I moved her back, she went right back to the table and tried again. She is determined. First thing this morning when I set her down on the floor to play surrounded with her toys, guess where she ended up. Yep, right back at the table.

She is still trying to figure out how to get on those knees so she can be even more mobile. Oh, boy is life going to get crazy around here soon. That mobility is just going to make me work harder.

She's a week from being 9 months old! I'm not quite sure where all this time went, but soon enough she will be walking around here and it will feel like she was never, not mobile. Lets not forget the talking. Oh, how I love the babbling and the mama, dada, baba talk, but she will soon be approaching knowing and speaking more words. I really look forward to this, but I'm enjoying the now with her and would love to enjoy it for a little while longer.

So can we please have time move a little slower?

A little more looking back

So I guess I really just need to get all that off my chest because I know feel so much better. I feel as though this big huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Will it stay off of them? Or will it come back and weigh even heavier on them? I don't know, but for now I'm greatful that I had an outlet for all that stuff. I've been holding it all in for so long. It wasn't because I didn't have the support of friends or family to put it on. I guess, I just didn't want to be a burden to them. I didn't want them to feel ..... I don't know..... pity or sorry for me because of what I went through because honestly I think I had a great childhood, minus this little bit of bad stuff.

My mom once said she wished she could have given my brother and I a better Dad. She did. She just happened to marry him when I was about 12 and he came along with 3 new siblings (added bonuses). 

I admire my mom for all she has done for us. When we were little and she was basically raising us on her own she worked 2 or 3 jobs at a time. She would go without food, so that we could have more food. Sure, we ate a lot of soup and sandwiches, but she did the best she could. She moved us from the city to a suburb that was safer when she could. She supported us through the good times and the bad. She fought for us, for our education, for our health. She battled every day to make sure we did better and had better. Sure, we fought and argued and didn't get along, but thats because she cared enough to tell me I was wrong and to show me what was right. Maybe at the time I didn't understand and cursed her under my breath, but I didn't see the big picture. She was trying to protect me from making the mistakes she made. Sure she was tough, I mean come on the woman would go into my parent/teacher conferences and ask my teachers what I could do to get my A up to an A+. All she wanted was for me to be the best me possible and have more opportunities in life than she did. I thank God that she did all of this. You, know why? Because if she hadn't, I probably would have ended up pregnant at 16, not going to college and struggling to survive, so I thank her for everything.

Wish the Past Would Stop Haunting Me 4

So we went back to court. This time I went with for a couple of them. The last time I went in the judge gave us some time to come to our own outcome. Well, Mom and her lawyer went into the jury room to talk and Bio-father and his lawyer stayed in the courtroom. I was sitting in a row, when he decided to verbally assault me with an officer of the court right there. He told me I was basically a money-grubbing bitch, that I was just like my mother. Well, it was a very emotional day as it was, so I got up and walked out of the court room, mostly because I wasn't sure what I would have done if I had stayed there any longer listening to him. Mom could have ended up bailing me out of jail. All the emotions hit me as I walked out of that room and ended up becoming tears. Mom tore out of the court room after me. She wanted to know what happen, but I would not tell her. I know I would have been bailing her out if I had told her. Truth - I wanted to tell her. I wanted to see her rip him down to shreds, to beat the crap out of him right then and there. I imagine sometimes that she did. I dried up my eyes, washed up my face and walked back into that room with my head held high because there was no way I was giving him the satisfaction of thinking he hurt me.

We walked right into the jury room. I cleaned up my face some more in the bathroom there and you could hear me swearing like a trucker. Mom never said a word about my swearing either. We had the door cracked open and I'm sure he could hear me saying everything. How he wasn't really my dad but that my step father was. I felt liberated that day. When my mom's lawyer went out to talk to him and his lawyer about a deal, the bio-father told the lawyer he would make the checks out to my mom because I was no longer his daughter. He had the nerve to disown me?! HAHA! Too bad I had disowned him 2 years earlier! They came back with an offer of $1000 less than what my tution for the next 2 years would be. Mom was mulling it over and asked me what I thought. I told her I'd be happy to pay the extra thousand if she would just get him out of our lives forever and this deal would do it. It would still be paid by the semester and he was already a semester behind, so he needed to make a payment during the summer to catch up. She took the deal! After that last payment in just a year and a half he would be out of our lives for good!

I counted the days. I jumped for joy when it came! I never had to hear or see from him again. 2002 was a great year! It was the best to know I never had to deal with him again.

It took me years, but in 2009, I wanted to talk to my cousins. We were kids when everything happened and I wanted a relationship with them. They didn't do anything wrong. I found one and then ended up in touch with more. I even went to go visit the first one I found on the condition that he would not be involved. She took me to see my grandma too. It was really nice being able to see her and talk to a few others. My cousin though wanted to know how I felt about my bio-father and I explained to her what happen all those years ago. She understood or at least it seemed that way at the time. She told me that if I ever wanted to see or talk to him, she would make it happen for me. Truth be told, I thought about it at the time. I was just a couple months from being married and moving to Iowa, so small part of me wanted to talk to him but an even bigger part of me still wanted nothing to do with him. They told me he had changed. That he no longer drank, but never went to rehab or AA, so its just their word. I want to believe that they were telling me the truth, but that family sticks up for each other and lies for each other, so I wanted proof. I needed proof, I'll never get it though. I have to be fine with that.

I tried to stay in touch with my cousin, but I guess her sister (the one who said I was just all about money and what not) turned her against me and I have not heard from her since shortly after I got married. Oh, well. I guess I was not meant to have any contact with that side of the family. I have had to be fine with this.

Now that I have my daughter, I have closed the door on that side of the family. It makes me sad that there are so many people she will never know, but I have to protect her from the hurt I suffered because of them. 

I am no longer angry with any of them. I feel sorry for them. They made the choices that they made so many times to not have a relationship or have contact with us. Now, they missed out on my brother and myself and are now missing out on the cousin, granddaughter, great-granddaughter, great-niece in my daughter. They will never know her laughter, smile or voice. My daughter, thank god, will be surrounded by love from all sides. She will know, my wonderful Dad (step-father)  as her Grandfather.

This all has helped me become who I am. It will hopefully make me a better mother and has already made me a better person.

Wish the Past Would Stop Haunting Me 3

So Mom was taking the Bio-father to court. Well finally in February 1998 (this started in Sept of 1997) we were awarded 50% of my tuition after any financial aid (student loans, grants, scholarships) for 5 full years as I was wanting to get my CPA and you need 5 years in college to do this. His only thing was that the check be made out to me, so he knew it was going to my college tuition. Fine! Woohoo! I was getting my college paid for.

He showed up (drove all the way out to our house) to give me the first installment of my college money. He hugged me and started crying. I stood there straight as a board. I had many walls up because I now knew what all he was capable of and I wasn't going to allow myself to get drawn back in. He started saying crap about my mom. I don't remember what exactly was said by him, but it hit me hard and I struck right back. I told him that he was in the wrong and that he should never talk about my mom like that again, that she was the one that was always there for us while he was the one that came and went as he pleased. That we would go 2 years without hearing from him. That he missed all the important moments because he was "too afraid" of my mom being there. I even informed him that mom had never said a bad word about him to us for all of our 18/19 years and we had made up our own minds about him.

Little did I know our living room window was open a crack, so mom had heard every little bit of what I said to him. Did I have to stand up to him for my mom? No, Mom can handle herself very well, but the truth of the matter is, is whether Mom and I were getting along or not at that moment or any moment, no one gets to say crap about her to me because she gave up a lot for us. She starved so we could have more. She wore clothes that didn't fit or were torn up so that we could have what we needed. She sacrificed money for her retirement and vacations so that I could go to college or to help my brothers and sister.

So the checks came once a semster, but now they came by mail instead of being hand delivered. It worked for a while. Then I screwed up. Yes, me, I failed out of NIU. I know, how can a straight A student suddenly fail out of school? I'm not quite sure I could pin point what happen. Mom assumes I partied too much and didn't do enough studying. That wasn't really the case. I only went out on weekends. I guess I didn't have enough going on that I just let my homework go because there was always later, plus I never learned to study because throughout HS I never cracked a book. I was like a sponge.

I came home and went to CLC (community college) to get my associates degree. I could've done it all in 1 semester except I never got the bill to pay and was never told when it needed to be paid by, so next thing I knew I got a letter saying I had been dropped from all my classes. As I resigned up 1 of the classes I needed was full, so I had to wait another semester to take that. Anyway, I had written Bio-father a letter telling him that I had screwed up and was going to CLC. That since it was my screw up I would pay for this year of college, but would expect to see the support come back when I went back to a 4 year school. I kept him in the loop. When I found out I was getting my associates degree I decided to walk because there was a lot for me to celebrate. I was getting my butt back in gear and had picked a better school for me. I wrote to him again and let him know the date and time for my graduation, the school I was going to and how much it would be and what his portion would be.

Well, he decided to try to fight us again over my tuition money.

TO BE CONTINUED (wow didn't know this would get so long)

Wish the past would stop haunting me 2

Yep, there are many more memories I have that show my bio-father as well an ass. The ones that stick out the most though are the things he didn't show up for. My brother's and my Jr High & High school graduations. He told us he would be there, but he never showed for them. He came later saying he had a flat tire and had to get a new one, so we asked him to see the receipt for it and he then confessed that he just didn't want to run into or deal with my mom. Really? Mom always tried to be civil to him though I'm sure it was hard for him as he always owed her money for our medical expenses and what not, but when it came to something that was celebrating us or about us, she stayed civil.

When I turned 18, he filed to stop child support. This was understandable, but my mom was going to put that money towards my college. Ok, what you need to know here is that when they divorced my mom had it put in their divorce decree that he would split college costs 50/50 after financial aid. So my mom countersued for the money for my tuition, which he fought. At this time, my father and I were getting along and I told him I didn't want to be involved and that I didn't care how my tuition got paid for as long as it got paid for. Well, they had a court date and my mom brought me the transcripts because he told the judge that I would testify against my mom and a few other things. Well, needless to say I called him and asked him about it and he denied it until I told him I had the transcripts. This was the beginning of the end of our relationship.

At the end of December (mind you I was in my first semester of college) I got the dreaded phone call. My mom called to tell me that he had hired a hot shot lawyer (mom was doing this on her own) that he'd rather pay than to pay for my college. She asked me what I wanted her to do. To continue with the suit or drop it. I told her to let me call him and talk to him. I sure did call him. I asked him why and you know what he told me? He told me it was her fault they were in court, her fault their marriage ended & that she had cheated on him when they were married with my stepfather (the man who is actually my dad). Oh, this set me off. This is something you don't do. You don't talk crap about my mom, not when she was the one that was always there for us. I told him this "It was your fault that you are going to court because all you had to do was leave the child support order in place or say "yes I will pay for 1/2 my daughter's tuition" and do so! 2. It was your fault the marriage ended because you were the one who chose alcohol and drugs over your family. I don't blame her for leaving you, I applaud her for it. 3. I don't care if she cheated on you or not with him. Its none of my business, but if she did good for her for finding a better man!" I then proceeded to tell him that he was only a sperm donor and that my dad was Brian (my stepfather) because he was the one that acted more like a father to me than he ever did. And I told him to take his money and shove it up his ass! Yes I actually said this. This call had been the end of our relationship.

I called my mom back. I told her what had happened and her reaction was to fight harder for it. When I got home from break Mom and I went to meet with a lawyer who guided her through some paperwork to file in Chicago and then referred us to a lawyer that could help us in Cook County. 

Things don't stop there. I got a call from one of my cousins from my Dad's side yelling at me about how I just wanted money and that I was not welcome anymore and how if anything happened to our Grandma that I shouldn't show my face and blah, blah, blah. Our Grandma lived a town over for years without telling us. She never called. We were the children, was it our job to forge a relationship with her?

Truth be told I just couldn't understand how he wouldn't want to help his children have a better life. Isn't that your job as a parent to protect your children and to want and to try to give them a better life even if that means you have to do without stuff?

To be continued...

Wish the past would stop haunting me

So with all the support that was shown for Baby Kinley yesterday, it made me think, who would be there to support me if I ever needed it? Well, honestly, it was more who wouldn't be there to support me because I know who would be there! I know the people who would drop everything and sit next to me if it ever became necessary (which I hope it never does).

Truth be told I know who wouldn't be there too, but its that small group of people that I think about. Why? Because this group is family, well at least in the biological sense, but not in the "I'll be there no matter what" sense and that bothers me. Always will bother me. I doubt any of them even know that I have a daughter.

I need to get this out. I need to let my side of this story be told. Then maybe, just maybe I can put this to rest in my mind.

My bio-father was a drunk, though he would never admit it and neither will his side of the family. He came and went out of my life whenever it please him. We might see him for a few months every other weekend like we were suppose to, but then he might disappear for 2 years only to show up again. I spent many of my weekends sitting on a curb waiting for him to show up only to be disappointed that he didn't. I would wonder - what did I do to make him not want to spend time with us? It wasn't until I was about 12 or 13 that I figured it out, that it was him not me or my brother. The thing is, is I never hated him for it, it just made me want to see him more. I don't know why. I don't think I'll ever figure that one out. We were put through a lot.

My mother never said a bad word about him in front of us and yelled at anyone whoever did. She wanted us to form our own opinions and to figure it out for ourselves. I admire her for that because it could not have been easy to see her children cry or be mad or upset that he didn't show. He never showed up for Jr High or High School Graduations for either of us.

Lets go back. My first memory of things going bad was when I was about 3 or 4 years old. I remember waking up to my parents yelling at each other. I went into the kitchen where they were and was standing behind my mother. My father pushed her and she fell on me and I had fallen on my brother. She quickly gathered us up, packed a packed a bag for us and calling my grandma to tell her she was sending us down the street to her. My brother and I walked down there (1/2 a block away). Grandma came down stairs and watched us walk. I don't remember what happen after that.

The next memory I have, which I have been told was same day. It was night and I was asleep in a sleeping bag on the floor of grandma's and I was woken up by someone picking me up and carrying me into another room. It turns out my father had climbed up to the 2nd story of a 2 story flat (My Grandparents place) and tried to break in through the window to get to my brother and I.

Now mind you none of this made sense to me until I asked my mother one day about these "strange" memories I had. At that time my mother filled in some of these memories.

There was another time, my father had picked us up and took us to my cousins' house. He went golfing with my uncle while we hung out with my cousins & aunts. We had a great old time and that night he came back drunk trying to get us to go home with him. I'm not sure what happen to lead up to it, but next thing I knew he was holding my aunt against the wall in a choke hold and my brother had dialed 911. He grabbed the phone out of his hand and hung up before he could say anything. When they called back my aunt lied for him, told him my brother had accidentally dialed, so no one would show up.Needless to say we did not get in the car with him but he left and drove 1 1/2 hours home.

Well, this is where I need to leave you today. My little baby is finally up from her nap and I need to tend to her now.

Praying for Kinley

Those who know me, know that I'm not religious, but that doesn't mean that I don't believe in God or that I don't pray. I do pray, not often, but I do. All last night, even while sleeping I have been praying for Kinley. I know I did it in my sleep because I was dreaming I was praying too, so I feel the need to share the prayer that has been running through my head.

Dear God -

Please give the surgeon steady hands and guide them and his team through this sugery.  Give her parents and the rest of her family the strength to endure this long surgery.Please let baby Kinley come out of this surgery a happy, healthy and seizure free baby girl.

Amen


Please remember to wear your pink today for Kinley!

Brings Tears to My Eyes!

In a previous post, I mentioned a little girl who was having seizures and is now going through major brain surgery. Her surgery is tomorrow. The WTE June 2010 Mommas have set up an auction to help Kinley's family with medical bills and what not. Which can be found at the link below:

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/welovekinley

We have raised $3000 at the time of this post! And it only got started about 3 or 4 days ago. This is awesome out pouring of kindness and generosity from so many who have not even met this family. A lot of us have gotten to know Erin (Kinley's mom) on WTE.

Not only this but an event was started on Facebook "Wear Pink for Kinley" (see link below). Where we are wearing pink on Wednesday (tomorrow) to show our support to Kinley and her family as Kinley is undergoing her surgery tomorrow. We will be uploading photos of us in our pink gear, so the family can see our support. At the time I am typing this we are up to 1,150 people participating. Again most of us have never met Kinley or her family, but everyone is showing an outpouring of love, prayers, thoughts and tons of support for this little girl and family.

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/event.php?eid=190996664266674

This all brings tears to my eyes. Good tears! I'm so proud of our little community for pulling together to help one of our own through such a hard situation. Whether you support them through donations, through prayers, thoughts or just wearing your pink, you are doing an amazing thing for a family.

This out pouring of support shows me that there is so much good in a world filled with turmoil and violence. For this I thank you all. Maybe if we could show more of this love to everyone, the world would be a better place!

Putting some things in perspective

Do I complain about things? yes, I do. I believe everyone does. I complain that my husband is gone so much. I complain that he doesn't spend the time with myself or Madison. I complain that I don't get to see or talk to my friends and family much. Yes, I made the decision to leave my hometown and state, but I still get to complain! I complain that my baby girl doesn't sleep well, is crabby or whatever else at the moment.

All these things are no big deal compared to what another June 2010 mommy and her family are going through. My heart breaks for her. I cannot imagine what she is feeling at this moment. Her poor little girl (about 8 months old) has been having seizures and meds just aren't working anymore. She is going to be having major brain surgery in a week. I ask of you all to pray for this baby and her family. If you'd like to read more about her story or offer your good thoughts & prayers, you may do so here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kinleywilliamson


Life is so unpredictable. I've been trying to not complain as much and to treasure all the moments with my baby girl (good or bad, cranky or happy, in the middle of the night or during the day).

Disappointed

So today was my follow up with the Dr for my headaches and shoulder. Things are better with the headaches. I went 3 weeks without any and then over the weekend and Tuesday night I had them. They weren't as severe and they didn't last as long as they had been. So progress is good. The shoulder on the other hand has been killing me since PT yesterday morning. It hurts so bad that I've been popping Advil all day long yesterday and today. If I was alone with Madison 90% of the time I probably would have asked the Dr for something stronger today. I can endure the pain to take care of my daughter. Well, the Dr gave me another month to get my shoulder better in therapy. If its not better by then we are going to do an x-ray and a MRI on it to find out if I need surgery. Well, this could totally screw up my plans. I really don't want to go through another surgery, so I need to really get this shoulder back up to snuff. I will be having a little chat with my physical therapist about this. Not too mention I will be emailing him here in a little bit about the shoulder pain and what to do with my exercises for it.

On the plus side my daughter makes my day with all the little things she does. I love her smile and laugh. It totally makes up for it.

Blizzard and more!

I spent the end of January and beginning of February visiting my parents. Oh my! They were so excited to see us. Madison slept well on Friday night - in my mom's closet! HEHEHE That still cracks me up. Mom gave me the break I needed to get some sleep. She kept Madison in her room until Sunday. Thank you!

Sunday all the warnings went out for the blizzard and by Monday Madison was showing signs of being sick with diaheria and the no sleeping we debated on coming home or staying with Dan. It was a hard call, but was finally made on Monday morning that we would stay because I wouldn't have time to get home and grocery shop especially with a sick baby before the blizzard would hit. We joined Dan at the hotel Monday afternoon. Tuesday as everyone was preping for the blizzard to hit we were debating on whether Madison and I should go back to my mom's or stay at the hotel with Dan. I was concerned if power went out it would be too cold at the hotel for Madison, so I spoke with some of the workers at the hotel to learn that if the power goes out the hospital gets a circuit and then the hotels get a circuit because of the children that could be there. They all reassured me that we would be well taken care of with blankets and heat and what not. Their maintence/engineer manager even offered to go pick up supplies for us (Dan frequents this hotel when working). It was very sweet of them. So I opted to stay with my husband. The hotel brought in dinner for all the guest on Tuesday night as well as Wednesday night. It was great service all the way around. The hotel workers stayed there too and worked all day long it seemed like.

As Tuesday wore on, I noticed Madison was getting a slight bit dehydrated and she just wasn't eating or drinking to what she normally does, so I had to call the pedi and got the ok to give her pedialyte, but was told that if she didn't start showing signs of hydration again (pee pee diapers) then we needed to take her to urgent care. Dan went to pick up the pedialyte and a few other things for us after work before the worst of the blizzard hit. Little Miss Madison seemed to have loved the pedialyte. I only gave her 3 oz to begin with and she had a fit when it was gone, so we gave her another 5 oz. About an hour and a half later she drank a full 8 oz bottle of formula  Well we did another pedialyte bottle and another formula bottle before she went to bed and she was giving us pee pee diapers already. Woohoo!

Wednesday morning I knew I didn't have to worry about her being dehydrated anymore because Dan went to change her diaper and she peed all over and not just a little. We stuck with just formula though to make sure that she would drink enough and I gave her 1  pedialyte bottle just to be on the safe side. Dan got to hang out with us all day because they closed down his company for the day plus they were giving tickets to anyone they found out on the roads that was not plowing, an emergency worker or anything like that. Though Dan did go out to find us some lunch.

Thursday we were suppose to drive back home, but the roads still weren't totally cleared so we ended up staying another night. By Thursday night the roads were cleared enough that I knew we could leave in the morning. Mom and Dad came by the hotel to see Madison and us one more time before we left. It was nice to see them.

My little girl still hasn't been sleeping well at all, but we are getting there. Now that we are home she has been doing better. At least staying in her crib to sleep.

Rough & Tired - Just want a break

Its been pretty rough around here. Mostly because Madison isn't sleeping well at night, but also because of my rotator cuff issue. This issue has made it hard to do simple things like feed my little girl. Its not like I can rest my right arm with a 7 month old around. She loves to play and be held up in the air like she's a flying baby, but there is also the stuff I can't stop doing, like carrying her up the stairs to go to bed or putting her in her high chair and feeding her.

Tuesday at PT they did some electro-stimulation to my shoulder. It didn't seem to help right off the bat, but within about 24 hours the pain calmed down some, not that its gone by any means. Now I'm just waiting to go to PT and see what they think about my progress and if its possible for me to take a week off to go visit family and friends. *crossing my fingers*

I know it kills them all to be away from Madison and not see her often because it kills me that Madison can't see them often. I want her to know them, to have a bond with them. I don't want her to one day go there and freak out because she doesn't remember them. I'm trying my best, but I wish some of them would come to us and see us more often. It would definitely make it easier on us sometimes.

On another note: Bailey decided to take off on my Tuesday evening. I was just getting ready to hook him on the tie out, out back and he shot outdoor running like a deer around to the front. I had to grab some treats and took Maggie out the door with me as enticement for him. I figured I'd go around front and look for him, if he wasn't there I'd go back in and wait to see if he came back. Luckily, some teenage boy was walking a dog in our little complex and Bailey was trying to play with his dog.  Well, of course as soon as Maggie saw the other dog she was right there too. Bailey  saw Maggie ran to her and then ran back to the other dog. I got close enough that they both saw me and came over to me. Bailey must of smelled the treats in my pocket because he sat right in front of me. Maggie followed suit. I pulled 2 out of my pocket and showed them and started walking back, Apologizing the poor kid who had to deal with my dogs while trying to walk his in this cold. Thankfully, both dogs followed me. As soon as we got back I got Bailey hooked up and sent Maggie inside.

Mommyhood is making me want to scream right now

First, let me say I love my baby girl, but she is being so difficult lately. She was sleeping so nicely through the night and all of a sudden Friday night the crying and screaming mulitple times throughout the night began. The napping has been ok. This morning she's fighting me to eat. She took a 2 hour morning nap and now will not take an afternoon nap. She fought me on eating lunch too.

I don't know what is causing this wonderful little issue. She isn't sick. I can't see or feel any teeth come in. If this continues for another day or two, we are going to the pedi!

Some Relief

Friday, I finally went to PT for my headaches, shoulder & neck pain. Not only are the headaches caused from the tight muscles but adding to it is a weak rotator cuff in my right shoulder. You know its bad when your left arm is stronger than right arm (that is when your right handed). I have some stretches to do for all the issues, plus using some heat from the heating pad. I get to go to PT twice a week. I'm suppose to drink out of a straw (to keep from using my neck and causing more pain). There are a bunch more things I'm supposed to do and I'm not suppose to do but there is no way can follow them all with having a 7 month old baby in the house and no one to help 5 days out of the week. I took the muscle relaxers on Friday night. They did absolutely nothing for me. Everyone (Physical therapist and Dr and others who have taken them) kept telling me that they would knock me out, which I needed the sleep, but nothing. I guess its on to suffering with it.

GRRR Set backs!

Well, I've had a setback in working out. I've been having a headache off and on for 5 days now. I tried working out through it on Monday and I just couldn't manage a full workout. I think I managed 10 mins on the treadmill and that was it. So I went to the Dr today and she diagnosed me with Cervicogenic Headaches. Its basically a headache caused my a tensed muscle. In my case its the muscle that goes from the base of my head down my neck and into my shoulder. This then explains my neck and shoulder pain as well. Its all on the right side. Well, the Dr is sending me to physical therapy. My first appt is Friday, so until I get the ok to go ahead I can no longer work out! I'm pissed about it, but happy I have answers. The Dr prescribed me muscle relaxers too, but I can't take those because I'm alone with the baby and they can make me so sleepy I may not hear her in the middle of the night or be able to function enough to take care of her.

Trying week

This has been a trying week for a few reasons. First is because I have both dogs here and Bailey doesn't really like to listen to me. I've been trying to work with him everyday in hopes that, it only takes some time with me for him to realize that I am an authority figure. It seems to be working, but slowly. Also it feels like if I'm not picking up after Madison, I'm picking up after the dogs.

Then there is me trying to fit in working out. Its harder to do than I thought, especially when Madison won't nap like she use to. Monday I got in my 20 mins on the treadmill. Tuesday nothing. Wednesday I fit in 30 mins on the treadmill and 20 mins of the excerises with the balance ball. Today I fit in 25 mins on the treadmill and 20 mins of excerises with the balance ball though Madison was in her jumper for the balance ball portion.

Madison's napping has been horrible this week. She's been so all over the place. 90 mins here, 30 mins there. It use to be 2 - 90 min naps a day. Today she did 2 - 45 min naps. I just want her to be consistant and well rested.

I've felt kind of isolated this week too. No one has had the time to talk to me and I'm stressing. I have no other way to release than to scream into a pillow (which I did a few times this week). I have yet to decompress from the fight over the weekend either. I just want the hubby home and some time off.

Finally!

With all the stressing that has become my life since well, getting pregnant, I have finally started working out again. I'm doing it mostly to de-stress, but also to get in better shape and hell, if I lose a little weight in the process awesome.

My stress isn't anything more than the everyday stuff of is Madison eating enough? getting enough sleep? Do I sit and play with her enough? Should she play by herself more? Is she hitting all her milestones? Is Dan being gone so much effecting her? Not to mention that even though I'm married I'm a single mom Monday thru Friday, its tough on me, its tough on Dan for being gone. Lets not forget about the financial stresses since the economy still sucks. The do I need to go get a job? What will having both of us working do to Madison? Where can I cut spending so that we can survive without me getting a job if necessary? Will we ever be solid enough to build our house? And the worries go on, but you get the point. That 25 minutes I spent on the treadmill took all that stress building up away. I feel 100 times better and its only day 1 of working out.

The getting into shape. Lets face it I really need to do that. Madison is going to be mobile any time now. If I don't start getting into to shape I'm going to be trying to catch my breath while chasing her around as a toddler. Not too mention if we are going to have a second child I may end up chasing 2 at the same time. I'd like to start getting into shape now so that if/when we end up pregnant it won't be a big deal for me to continue with working out.

Yes, I need to lose weight. I lost my baby weight within about 2 months of having Madison, but I have more weight to lose. My goal is not to lose weight though because I know it will just get me down to go week to week without losing and then I'll stop, but I don't want to stop, so I'm not making it a goal for working out. I'd love to lose while I'm at it, so I'll just keep my fingers crossed that it happens. I have a thyroid issue so its really hard for me to lose weight.

So here is my little plan to being with. I'm sure I'll add more as I go. I want to at least get 30 minutes on the treadmill every other day (if Madison allows I will do more) and on the days I am not on the treadmill I want to get at least 30 minutes on my balance ball. If I keep this up for at least 1 month I will look into either adding a new piece of equipment to my house or looking into a gym.

Cross your fingers, send words of encouragement. I really want to do this!