So we went back to court. This time I went with for a couple of them. The last time I went in the judge gave us some time to come to our own outcome. Well, Mom and her lawyer went into the jury room to talk and Bio-father and his lawyer stayed in the courtroom. I was sitting in a row, when he decided to verbally assault me with an officer of the court right there. He told me I was basically a money-grubbing bitch, that I was just like my mother. Well, it was a very emotional day as it was, so I got up and walked out of the court room, mostly because I wasn't sure what I would have done if I had stayed there any longer listening to him. Mom could have ended up bailing me out of jail. All the emotions hit me as I walked out of that room and ended up becoming tears. Mom tore out of the court room after me. She wanted to know what happen, but I would not tell her. I know I would have been bailing her out if I had told her. Truth - I wanted to tell her. I wanted to see her rip him down to shreds, to beat the crap out of him right then and there. I imagine sometimes that she did. I dried up my eyes, washed up my face and walked back into that room with my head held high because there was no way I was giving him the satisfaction of thinking he hurt me.
We walked right into the jury room. I cleaned up my face some more in the bathroom there and you could hear me swearing like a trucker. Mom never said a word about my swearing either. We had the door cracked open and I'm sure he could hear me saying everything. How he wasn't really my dad but that my step father was. I felt liberated that day. When my mom's lawyer went out to talk to him and his lawyer about a deal, the bio-father told the lawyer he would make the checks out to my mom because I was no longer his daughter. He had the nerve to disown me?! HAHA! Too bad I had disowned him 2 years earlier! They came back with an offer of $1000 less than what my tution for the next 2 years would be. Mom was mulling it over and asked me what I thought. I told her I'd be happy to pay the extra thousand if she would just get him out of our lives forever and this deal would do it. It would still be paid by the semester and he was already a semester behind, so he needed to make a payment during the summer to catch up. She took the deal! After that last payment in just a year and a half he would be out of our lives for good!
I counted the days. I jumped for joy when it came! I never had to hear or see from him again. 2002 was a great year! It was the best to know I never had to deal with him again.
It took me years, but in 2009, I wanted to talk to my cousins. We were kids when everything happened and I wanted a relationship with them. They didn't do anything wrong. I found one and then ended up in touch with more. I even went to go visit the first one I found on the condition that he would not be involved. She took me to see my grandma too. It was really nice being able to see her and talk to a few others. My cousin though wanted to know how I felt about my bio-father and I explained to her what happen all those years ago. She understood or at least it seemed that way at the time. She told me that if I ever wanted to see or talk to him, she would make it happen for me. Truth be told, I thought about it at the time. I was just a couple months from being married and moving to Iowa, so small part of me wanted to talk to him but an even bigger part of me still wanted nothing to do with him. They told me he had changed. That he no longer drank, but never went to rehab or AA, so its just their word. I want to believe that they were telling me the truth, but that family sticks up for each other and lies for each other, so I wanted proof. I needed proof, I'll never get it though. I have to be fine with that.
I tried to stay in touch with my cousin, but I guess her sister (the one who said I was just all about money and what not) turned her against me and I have not heard from her since shortly after I got married. Oh, well. I guess I was not meant to have any contact with that side of the family. I have had to be fine with this.
Now that I have my daughter, I have closed the door on that side of the family. It makes me sad that there are so many people she will never know, but I have to protect her from the hurt I suffered because of them.
I am no longer angry with any of them. I feel sorry for them. They made the choices that they made so many times to not have a relationship or have contact with us. Now, they missed out on my brother and myself and are now missing out on the cousin, granddaughter, great-granddaughter, great-niece in my daughter. They will never know her laughter, smile or voice. My daughter, thank god, will be surrounded by love from all sides. She will know, my wonderful Dad (step-father) as her Grandfather.
This all has helped me become who I am. It will hopefully make me a better mother and has already made me a better person.
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